Hobos and etiquette but not etiquette for hobos

September 29, 2009 at 11:56 am (Family Foolery, true story) (, , , , )

Last week I’m sitting here at work and it’s raining outside. The door opens up and this guy is standing there wearing a black 13 gallon garbage bag around his torso. He inquires if I have another garbage bag he can have as he needs to go to the hospital and it’s about a 3 mile walk. I tell him no, all of ours are small. Why doesn’t he take the bus, does he not have a dollar? Perhaps he didn’t but if you give one hobo something word gets out and then they’re all coming in and asking for handouts.

      

My dog has been very very bad the past 6 months or so, basically he’s been getting to big for his britches/collar. I’ve had to go back to the basics and work on re-training him, one area includes working for any treats. In the past, each time he would go out he would get a treat when he came back in but because of the tough economic times I’ve been cutting back the treats anyway and now because he’s been acting like a total asshole he has to work for them.

When he was a puppy I would try and get him to sit and shake on command but it never went very well because he’s been clinically diagnosed by me and the Internet with dyslexia and when I would say sit he would stand on his hind legs, cross his front paws and start dancing. (If you think it’s unlikely that a dog can be dyslexic, my last dog went deaf and learned all by himself how to read lips.. true story.) He’s older now and has arthritis so his dancing days are over and I thought maybe now I can get him to sit and shake but it’s not going well. When I tell him to sit he will, though he sits more on the side of his hip, and when I say shake and try to tap his front paw to get him to raise it instead he lays down and raises his back leg. Ah, what are ya gonna do, I can’t hold his disability against him so in the end I figure he worked it and he gets the cookie.

 

Recently I decided to join a dating site. I know what I don’t want in a man and I know what traits I am looking for. I don’t want to waste my time or anyone elses with endless chats and meeting for coffee if I don’t feel there is going to be some kind of chemistry there. With that being said, before I open an email I check their profile and if not interested then I don’t bother reading the email. Once I sent someone an email and he didn’t reply so cool, not interested, let’s move on. Etiquettely speaking, I probably should come up with some suitable reply that says in some nice way, I have no interest in talking with you let alone dating you, so if anyone has any suggestions please leave them in the comments! Anyway, a couple of guys emailed me like three times but this one guy put in the subject line of his 3rd email, “you’re a creep and I hope you die alone.” I did open that one and all he said was “nice.” Seriously…the fuck? Ok then, thanks for clarifying how endearing you are and how you don’t have deep deep issues.

 

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Lahey Poetry

September 22, 2009 at 11:31 am (Quote of the Day) (, )

He grew up a little shitspark from the ole shitflame, then he turned into a shit bonfire, and then driven by the wings of his monumental ignorance he turned into a raging shitfire storm. If I get to be married to Barb I’ll have total control of Sunnyvale and then I can unlease a shitunami title wave that will engulf Ricky and extinguish his shitflames forever. And with any luck he’ll drown in the undershit of that wave, shitwaves.

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