Returning to the land of the living with more piss and vinegar

August 18, 2009 at 2:38 pm (Exorcising Demons, The Monkeys in My Head) (, , , , , )

If a few old posts show up in your reader today it’s because I chose to make those posts public again. I had marked a few of them private thinking that certain individuals might see them and heaven forbid someone see what truly goes on in my head. Well you know what, Fuck Them, I have a story to tell and if they don’t like it they can fuck me running. (Actually I won’t be running because that would be stupid and I refuse to run from anyone, well unless it’s someone trying to stab me or something.)

As I try to sort out my life and find some consistency, the last few months have presented a challenge at best. I thought the first year would be the hardest but have since found that was not the case. The first year was foggy and somewhat euphoric, having been set free from crazy at last. This year reality set in and it’s been spent learning how to manage all those broken bits of me and turn myself into something I should have always been.

Lack of time and deciding on what to blog about has been an issue. Like I said above, I have a story to tell but I’m not sure how to tell it and perhaps it’s only interesting to me, I’m just not sure. But I do know that I love making fun of myself over the stupid things I can sometimes do and doing so reminds me not to take myself and life so seriously because really, what good does it truly do to stress ones self into a frenzy when stress in itself has no positive outcome to any given situation.

So I vow here today, in front of both my readers, that no matter what kind of shit is thrown at me in the upcoming months I will refuse to lay down and let that asshole win. If I so much as hint at forgetting this, please remind me.

On an unrelated note, I had a date Saturday night and it was fun. I’m really on the fence about dating… my life just seems too crazy right now and not sure if I have the energy for it. I’ve never really “dated” much, for the most part I have always been in a relationship and dating confuses me and is so out of my comfort zone. But, I decided to stop over thinking things and just go out and have fun so that is what I did.

I’m going to get this posted before I change my mind and this ends up being another permanent draft that never sees the light of day.

Advertisements

Permalink 1 Comment

I am a killer of cute little chipmunks and rabbits, box wine for the bitches, and I no longer handle stress very well

July 7, 2009 at 2:19 pm (Exorcising Demons, Monkey Business, Sassy Saturday) (, , , , , , )

Last week Mr. Wonderful was weeding over by the pond and yells, “mom, there are two dead chipmunks in the pond!” Sure enough there was, not like he would make that shit up but I was surprised. Though I do have chipmunks that live behind the pond I have never harbored dead chipmunks. After securing the crime scene I properly disposed of them (that is if properly disposing of them is picking them up with the pooper scooper and putting them in the weed trash can). Later I was talking to a friend who is pretty sure I am not a chipmunk killer and said that they must have gotten a hold of some poision and then when they went to drink out of the pond their stomachs blew up or some shit and fell in. Poor little guys. My blog might be called Poison’s Aftertaste but it has nothing to do with me poisioning anything, especially little wild pets.

JDrill is visiting for the week so now I have four doggies at my house. I’m certain that by the weeks end one of us will trip over one and break a hip. And it has now been determinded that my dog has lost his mind but I’m not sure why. More as the story develops. UPDATE: I now have five dogs at the house… JDrill’s boyfriend is over with his dog.

This morning I’m trying to get out the door for work and I’m standing on the deck saying goodbye to my company and next thing I hear is, “shit! Dog #3 has a rabbit!” (we have to count them like kids to make sure they are all accounted for… starting to feel a bit like Kate + 8 – Jon) Thank God her boyfriend was still here cuz we both yell, “dude… handle it!” I can scoop up a chipmunk with a pooper scooper but I can’t handle an almost dead rabbit. Turns out this was an already injured rabbit, car injury but man am I skeeved out right now with all the critters goin’ down in my yard.

Saturday night on our way out to the ho-down my neighbor text me and wanted to know if she could drop off her two dogs since she wouldn’t be home. Are you fucking kidding me!!! My dog freaks over fireworks so I already had to tranquilize him, two are fine with them and the other is deaf so obviously they don’t bother her. Though we never got to why I needed to watch her two dogs I seem to recall they don’t like fireworks either. She probably thought I was lying when I told her I was on my way out the door and already had 4 at my house.

We made it to the party Saturday night. It was on a river front property and not far from the city’s firework display so we had a good view for them. The group of people who attended were not my usual peeps but JDrill and I can roll with anyone and so we did. It was interesting to say the least and there was box wine for the bitches.  Enough said.

Tomorrow I will be busy setting up for a garage sale.  Nothing more fun then having a bunch yahoos traipsing all over your property, trying to steal or haggle over the price of almost free shit. Good times.

I’ve been trying to get this posted for two days so that’s it, I’m done, for now. Certaintly more hilarity to ensue this week so until then, toodle loo.

P.S. There may be many misspellings (including this word, I’m not sure). For one: we all have our words we jack up, two: full disclosure here… I took a Soma to relax my overstressed self.  Hey, I’m desperate and have no Xanax only dog tranquilizers. I’ve tried to spell check twice, on two different computers, both times it locks up.

Permalink 7 Comments

If I don’t post something soon I should probably turn this into a craft blog.

May 26, 2009 at 4:41 pm (Exorcising Demons, Family Foolery, Monkey Business, Oh Hell No, Sassy Saturday) (, , , , , )

Hells bells and cocker spaniels.  Ok, fine, whatever, I’ll get off my lazy ass and post as I don’t want to be responsible for anyone dying on my blog.

Ms. Drill came to visit over the weekend. Not sure if I have security clearance so I can’t say what it is but she brought her new car… ooohhhh is it drool worthy! So much so that I had to name mine Clyde cuz that’s about what mine looks like in comparison.

In other news, we went out Saturday night and tore it up. We had a final destination in mind but after a couple of beers and a shot of tequila… as she put it, “our asses grew roots to the stools” we were sitting in. Turns out we knew the band and decided to hang there and get people dancing, which we did.  She was smarter than me though, she didn’t chance that second shot of tequila but I did. Then there was this guy, who whenever he came up to the bar would smile at me and by then I was starting to feel a bit brave and two certain people kept telling me to go talk to him so I did, only to find out the woman he was with was hidden by the popcorn machine. So as I approach I’m all like… ah fuck, how do I get out of this gracefully… so I kinda just walked around them and made a beeline for some other guy at the bar and started talking to him. Yeah, I’m real smooth like that. It’s a good thing I don’t do this kind of thing often, I’m sure my humiliation of the evening will keep me from attempting any more shots for a while.

To say we felt a bit fuzzy the next day would be an understatement and fortunately we only had a family cookout to attend. I was good and earlier in the day only had two beers, you know, to take the edge off. We came back home and settled in to watch Breaking Bad and both of us were a bit unsettled by the ending scene. The next day a friend called me to tell me that one of his friends’ daughter had died a few days ago from the same thing (OD’d) and a guy he worked with died on Sunday in a bike accident. Fuck.

So that was our weekend… how was yours?

Permalink 1 Comment

You know how you plan on cleaning one small thing and then the next thing you know eight hours have gone by?

May 9, 2009 at 9:34 pm (Cleaning Fairies, Exorcising Demons, Sassy Saturday) (, , , )

Yeah, that was my day. I went out into the garage to clean up one very small area but then it was like I was attacked by cleaning fairies and next thing I know it’s 8:00 pm, only no fairies actually showed up to clean… the bitches left it all to me.  I have cabinets in my garage and honestly I had no clue what was in most of them.  In order to prepare for painting season I needed to organize my painting supplies. To my surprise I found that I have about 15 roller handles and a dozen new rollers, 5 paint trays, 5 paint clothes, 50,000 paint stirrers, 5 or so edgers, etc., etc., etc.

As I was cleaning I found multiples of multiples. At one time I believe Mr. Fuckery was somewhat organized but you would never know it. So apparently when he couldn’t find something, because it was shoved in a bag or box somewhere and then placed in an obscure location, he would just go buy another.  I’m fairly certain I will never have to buy tire or leather cleaner, remote start systems for cars (I found 3), computer cables (I found 100’s… seriously… most of which were tossed out), extension cords or scrub brushes.

In my desire for order I took everything off the pegboards, little hanging doohickeys as well, and started putting things back up in an order that makes sense. All 6 rolls of electrical tape, 2 rolls duct tape, 2 rolls packing tape, 4 rolls double sided tape, and tapes that I have no idea what they’re used for, are all now in a neat and orderly fashion. I got out my black sharpie and then proceeded to outline those babies and now there’s no mistaking where they reside. Kidding, I’m a bit of a freak but not that freaky.

Next up… guest room, I have company coming soon and it looks like it’s been in the middle of a shiticane!

Happy Mother’s Day everyone!

Permalink 2 Comments

Friday Edition of Dreams and Dead

April 24, 2009 at 9:32 pm (Exorcising Demons, Friday Soap Box) (, , , , , , , )

Death’s been on my mind a lot lately. The psychic Ms. Drill had a dream about an elaborate Saprano-like funeral and cuz we know how she is, when relaying the dream to me said, I wonder who’s going to die. A few days later I had a dream, yet again, that Mr. Fuckery was back from the dead and trying to tell me the mistakes I’ve made this past year and a half and what needed to change. The next day my sister called to tell me her dad died.

Periodically I have these dreams where he comes in like nothing has happened and tries to pick up life where he left off and I’m all like, are you fucking kidding me? I let him go on for a while and eventually have to tell him he’s dead but before I can get his reaction I always wake up.

There’s a blog I read where a woman, who very much loved her husband, lost him recently to a terminal illness. I read her blog and sometimes feel bad that I don’t feel those emotions of a love that’s lost. We’re suppose to mourn those we lose, it’s like a law or something, but mostly what I feel is indifference. I can empathize with the feelings of being overwhelmed, feeling alone, etc., but I can’t really relate to the rest.

At one point I did love him but the last couple of years he was alive he made sure to destroy that love. And during those last couple of years I was already grieving the loss of my marriage so I guess I had some of the grief already behind me.

As far as the dreams… when someone takes their life it raises many questions that can never be answered, especially when you never saw it coming. I expected a lot of things from him but that wasn’t one of them so it leaves things open ended and I assume that’s why I have these dreams. But most days the questions don’t bother me and as time goes on just becomes more of a curiosity.

Hell I don’t even know what my point is here but I do know that grief has been replaced with just living, learning to depend on no one but myself, and giving my son and me the life we deserve.

Did I hear you say my time is up?  Don’t even think about billing me.

Permalink 1 Comment

Happy Friday

April 10, 2009 at 12:08 pm (Exorcising Demons) (, , , )

Been very very busy. Decided it was time to exorcise more demons and redo my suite so can I feel all zen like and oh my, it’s working. It’s amazing what some furniture, picture, and stuff arranging can do to ones outlook. The down side is, I don’t want to leave my nest but I must. Going to visit Ms. Drill and get our front porch on. She has the best front porch, it’s very southern like with just the right amount of privacy. We’ve laughed, we’ve cried, we’ve burnt shit… many fond memories had there with more to come. If anything should end up in flames I will post some pictures next week!

Y’all be good and have a happy Easter!

Permalink 1 Comment

Here’s my counteroffer to your counteroffer — go fuck yourself

January 30, 2009 at 9:08 pm (Exorcising Demons, The Monkeys in My Head) (, , , , , , )

The monkeys are at it again. I’m having a very difficult time letting go of something that doesn’t even exist. Intellectually, I know what is in my best interests so this shouldn’t even be a consideration but I can’t help hard-racking this to death. And because I’m giving it so much consideration and really want to forget about it for at least seven or 45 minutes, I’m feeling a bit Butchie Yost and thinking, “I’m going to get high, I’m going to get fucking high.” But like Butchie, can’t seem to get the deed done as I fear hangovers in the worse possible way.

Why do we do this to ourselves? It isn’t even worth the time and energy I’ve spent on it.  I know what it is, it’s the shiny and sparkly that I’m missing and oh dear Lord little baby Jesus how will I cope? My mother, who can be pretty damn funny, told me I should just forget about dating and go to the adult store and stock up on supplies. Wiser words have never been spoken.

The other thing I can’t get past is I keep feeling like I must have done something wrong. It was my decision in the end, the only rational one to be made, but I still can’t help thinking that if I had done something differently there wouldn’t have been such a turn of events. That is just stupid, I never do anything wrong, I am a Goddess and I must always remember this.

While deep in the throws of composition I took time out to do some reading and here is a snippet of something I found interesting:

Compatibility is rarely a factor in attraction, because it doesn’t create that attractive spark. We are more likely to be attracted to mates who stimulate us because they are different, who open doorways into worlds that are new to us. Perfect compatibility is boring – it’s sitting on the sofa watching tv for the rest of our lives. Few of us are really looking for this kind of relationship.

The arena(s) in which we will do most of our soul growth is/are indicated in the natal astrological chart. A soulmate relationship generally begins with a feeling of fatednessand kinship, which signifies that there will be contact on a soul level. This does not necessarily mean that marriage and a lifetime of perfect harmony will follow, but rather than this relationship will provide lessons and growth experiences for you. It is not unusual for this kind of relationship to fall away once the lessons have been learned so that the individual can move on to the next level.

That all sounds good but what are the lessons here?

  1. Don’t be such a dumbass
  2. Take a vow of chastity and blog more as a distraction
  3. Find someone boring and be happy with them
  4. Paint your nails and call it a day
  5. I still have much more suffering to do

The suffering comes from something J. Drill once said back in 2003 when we were flying off on a whirl-wind adventure. Still worried about terrorists and flying in general, I said something about the plane going down and J. Drill said to me, “Won’t happen, you haven’t suffered enough yet.” Damn that woman and her psychic abilities!

So one beautiful fall morning I happened to spy, with my little eyes, what would become my PTSD for some time to come when I witnessed what the full range of plethora looks like close up. At this point, J. Drill said I had perhaps suffered enough and shouldn’t fly anytime soon (see, I’m not the only one who has to laugh in the face of tragedy!). I truly felt that this was the coup de grâce and things could only get better but no, hell no. Fate or whatever laughed at me and it roared its ugly head once again just a week later. Anyway, my point is, it’s not over till its over and until then we just have to stand it like a man and give some back.  And I propose that it might just be a splendid idea to stand it like a man and hit the range; give some back with some names on the targets.

On an up note, I got my hair done today and I must say it looks mighty fine and sassy. And I’m pretty sure it makes me look at least 2-3 months younger!

And the title, well that’s just in case I should get a call at some point seeking a counteroffer.

Permalink Leave a Comment