Sassy Ms. B.

April 27, 2010 at 10:42 am (Family Foolery, robot blogging)

I was gently reminded the other day that I haven’t blogged since January, oops. No excuses really other than not feeling the funny much these days.

And though I’m not feeling it I should feel ashamed when an 86 year old woman who had many small strokes last week and barely knew who she or anyone else was was still able to crack JDrill and I up. We were talking about her very hot neurologist and she said in a very weak voice, “yeah, well if I felt a little better I’d get a rise out of him.”

God love ya B! Here’s to you and getting well soon!

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Hobos and etiquette but not etiquette for hobos

September 29, 2009 at 11:56 am (Family Foolery, true story) (, , , , )

Last week I’m sitting here at work and it’s raining outside. The door opens up and this guy is standing there wearing a black 13 gallon garbage bag around his torso. He inquires if I have another garbage bag he can have as he needs to go to the hospital and it’s about a 3 mile walk. I tell him no, all of ours are small. Why doesn’t he take the bus, does he not have a dollar? Perhaps he didn’t but if you give one hobo something word gets out and then they’re all coming in and asking for handouts.

      

My dog has been very very bad the past 6 months or so, basically he’s been getting to big for his britches/collar. I’ve had to go back to the basics and work on re-training him, one area includes working for any treats. In the past, each time he would go out he would get a treat when he came back in but because of the tough economic times I’ve been cutting back the treats anyway and now because he’s been acting like a total asshole he has to work for them.

When he was a puppy I would try and get him to sit and shake on command but it never went very well because he’s been clinically diagnosed by me and the Internet with dyslexia and when I would say sit he would stand on his hind legs, cross his front paws and start dancing. (If you think it’s unlikely that a dog can be dyslexic, my last dog went deaf and learned all by himself how to read lips.. true story.) He’s older now and has arthritis so his dancing days are over and I thought maybe now I can get him to sit and shake but it’s not going well. When I tell him to sit he will, though he sits more on the side of his hip, and when I say shake and try to tap his front paw to get him to raise it instead he lays down and raises his back leg. Ah, what are ya gonna do, I can’t hold his disability against him so in the end I figure he worked it and he gets the cookie.

 

Recently I decided to join a dating site. I know what I don’t want in a man and I know what traits I am looking for. I don’t want to waste my time or anyone elses with endless chats and meeting for coffee if I don’t feel there is going to be some kind of chemistry there. With that being said, before I open an email I check their profile and if not interested then I don’t bother reading the email. Once I sent someone an email and he didn’t reply so cool, not interested, let’s move on. Etiquettely speaking, I probably should come up with some suitable reply that says in some nice way, I have no interest in talking with you let alone dating you, so if anyone has any suggestions please leave them in the comments! Anyway, a couple of guys emailed me like three times but this one guy put in the subject line of his 3rd email, “you’re a creep and I hope you die alone.” I did open that one and all he said was “nice.” Seriously…the fuck? Ok then, thanks for clarifying how endearing you are and how you don’t have deep deep issues.

 

And now that you’ve read and commented please go read and comment on my Awesome friend’s blog!

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Weather, zombies, balloon, my foot is totally asleep and I stood up and almost fell down, twice

June 16, 2009 at 11:48 am (Could I Be Any More Boring?, Family Foolery) (, , , , , , )

  • Apparently I’ve gone international, hello Lithuania!
  • The life has been sucked out of me. All work and no play make me a boring person with little to blog about. We’ve had a strange spring, mostly cold and now we seem to be into a rainy season so when I’m not working and the weather is half way decent I have to quickly dash outside and work on my outdoor to-do list.
  • The weekend was the zombie march in Chicago. JDrill’s son was looking out his window and saw a couple hundred of them walking down Michigan Avenue. All I got from my window was a hot air balloon flying over head.
  • There was a family cook out this weekend. One of my siblings lives within spitting distance of me and I rarely see him. He’s retired so it’s not like he’s busy with work, he’s just a bit antisocial. When I arrived at the cook out my father introduced us… good one dad!
  • Lately I’ve been thinking a lot of where I’m at in my life and am finding that for the most part I am content. I think about dating but 1. I haven’t met anyone who interests me, 2. I’m not up for another disappointment, and 3. it requires effort that is better spent on creating an obstacle course to my heart.
  • See, told you I’ve been boring.

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If I don’t post something soon I should probably turn this into a craft blog.

May 26, 2009 at 4:41 pm (Exorcising Demons, Family Foolery, Monkey Business, Oh Hell No, Sassy Saturday) (, , , , , )

Hells bells and cocker spaniels.  Ok, fine, whatever, I’ll get off my lazy ass and post as I don’t want to be responsible for anyone dying on my blog.

Ms. Drill came to visit over the weekend. Not sure if I have security clearance so I can’t say what it is but she brought her new car… ooohhhh is it drool worthy! So much so that I had to name mine Clyde cuz that’s about what mine looks like in comparison.

In other news, we went out Saturday night and tore it up. We had a final destination in mind but after a couple of beers and a shot of tequila… as she put it, “our asses grew roots to the stools” we were sitting in. Turns out we knew the band and decided to hang there and get people dancing, which we did.  She was smarter than me though, she didn’t chance that second shot of tequila but I did. Then there was this guy, who whenever he came up to the bar would smile at me and by then I was starting to feel a bit brave and two certain people kept telling me to go talk to him so I did, only to find out the woman he was with was hidden by the popcorn machine. So as I approach I’m all like… ah fuck, how do I get out of this gracefully… so I kinda just walked around them and made a beeline for some other guy at the bar and started talking to him. Yeah, I’m real smooth like that. It’s a good thing I don’t do this kind of thing often, I’m sure my humiliation of the evening will keep me from attempting any more shots for a while.

To say we felt a bit fuzzy the next day would be an understatement and fortunately we only had a family cookout to attend. I was good and earlier in the day only had two beers, you know, to take the edge off. We came back home and settled in to watch Breaking Bad and both of us were a bit unsettled by the ending scene. The next day a friend called me to tell me that one of his friends’ daughter had died a few days ago from the same thing (OD’d) and a guy he worked with died on Sunday in a bike accident. Fuck.

So that was our weekend… how was yours?

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It’s a Knick Knack Patty Whack, Give the Frog a Loan

March 24, 2009 at 3:06 pm (Family Foolery) (, , , , )

True Story.

When I was just a wee lass my father like to drink a bit too much. However, times have changed and he hasn’t had nary a drink in over 35 years or so… but that really isn’t the point here.

Sometime in the early 1960s he came home from the tavern and in his drunkenness decided to get all up in my mother’s face and demanded to know what the point was of those fucking knick knacks that sat on the living room shelves. He went on to declare that shelves are for storage and to hold food, not stupid-ass pretties. The next day he came home from work to find all the knick knacks gone and the shelves held pantry goods thoughtfully arranged and on display. Knowing my mother and her wicked sense of humor, I’m surprised she didn’t have them priced with stickers and a grocery cart in the room to get them back to the kitchen.

Now we know why, even when my pantry is full of that shit, she keeps bringing me the huge boxes of fruit roll ups… she obviously has designs on any vacancies in my living room.

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