What a Week

October 28, 2010 at 4:57 pm (The Monkeys in My Head)

Guess it’s long overdue that I dust this off and get back to business.  In a previous post I was certain that 2010 was going to kick some ass but then it appeared to be kicking mine.

A week ago I was reminded that the year wasn’t over and that 2010 may turn out to be unbelievable yet. More on that in a minute.

First order of business, congrats to Mr. and Mrs. J. Drill! Yes, my best friends got married last week and I couldn’t be happier for them!

Second order:  Thank God, my stepbrother’s war tour is over and he’s on his way home to his bride.

Now on to 2010, there’s been a turn of events for The Sailor and I.

We’ve known and loved one another since I was 18. Nothing ever changed the way we felt about the other, for me he was always the one and likewise for him. The reasons why we have alway been on and off throughout the years is really irrelevant now, matters that are finally behind us.

Now that circumstances have changed, The Sailor and I are going to try this again. There are no obstacles in our way this time, no reasons why we can’t finally make this work. Without me having a clue, the steps he’s taken this past year to ensure our future blows my mind and makes me realize just how much he adores and loves me, and me him.

Perhaps this may sound odd, though I know some will get it, but he talks to me, I mean really talks to me. He’s encourages my creativity, he gets me and my strange sense of humor, he adores me just the way I am and doesn’t want to change anything about me, would rather be in my company than not no matter what we are doing.  And he’s a man, a real man who does manly things and he can fix anything.  

Yes, I’m gushing a bit but damn it, I’ve earned it. I had a husband who put me through hell and my life has been a struggle to get through each day, especially this past year.  I feel some hope at last.

It is finally time to be who I was always meant to be.

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Todays search term that will land you here <—- “the poison in a dog’s butt”

December 23, 2009 at 2:15 pm (Mad Cow List, Monkey Business, The Monkeys in My Head, true story) (, , , , , )

Speaking of asses… I have no time to read blogs let alone blog myself but since I did managed to squeeze Christmas out of my ass afterall then I guess I can squeeze a blog post out of there as well. Merry Christmas!

Sitting here enjoying a nice fresh cup of coffee before I get back on my go-go and start cleaning before the festivities begin tomorrow. All shopping is done, there’s a bit of food and liquor in the house, and though I have a sinus infection all seems pretty good right now. Weather wise, wow… ice storm this afternoon and tonight but the roads are supposed to be okay by tomorrow afternoon. At least they better be… not sure which would upset Mr. Wonderful more, Santa not showing up or JDrill and her entourage.

Here’s a little story for ya. Back in 1978, my roommate (not JDrill, she has sense) and I decided to move to California. We had mentioned it a couple of times but it never was a serious discussion until we were doing acid one night. I believe it was in the fall, all I remember is it was raining, lots of rain and I’m not sure how it all came about… I was stoned afterall… but we just said to each other, “fuck it, let’s do this.”

We packed up her Ford Pinto with whatever seemed necessary at the time, you know, some clothes, makeup, can goods but no can opener, our two cats and four kittens, oh and some booze.  We went to our places of employment and left notes and then hit the road.  About 2 hours into the drive we went around a curve that had a warning sign but ended up in a ditch anyway. As we sat there a trucker came by but didn’t stop and a little bit later we saw the lights flashing on an upcoming squad car. Now don’t forget, we are stoned, on acid for Christ’s sakes. The Officer said he would call a tow truck but we told him we didn’t have much cash on us so he said, “ok let’s see if we can push you out.” My friend get’s back in the car and the cop and I are behind it pushing and as she hits the gas mud flies out from behind the tire covering the cop. Ooops. We did get the car out and amazingly he was cool about it so we were off on our tripping merry way but only for a couple of miles when we see lights flashing behind us. She pulls over and the same cop asks for our ID, goes back to his squad and after a few minutes comes back and tells us we are free to go and to be safe. We assumed at that point he started thinking that maybe we were runaways and should probably check it out.

We continued on our journey until we started getting tired/the acid was wearing off and at that point we were in Des Moines, Iowa, so we got a hotel room and slept a bit. When we awoke our craziness started sinking in and we decided we had better give our parents a call to let them know that we were okay. Having had frantic calls that morning from our employers they were obviously very concerned but we assured them that we decided our plan wasn’t a good one and were driving back home that day.

So kids, there’s today’s lesson…. if you’re fucked up and think it’s a great plan, it’s NOT. And that’s my Extreme Stupidity story of the day.

I hear ice pellets on the skylight. Have a very Merry Christmas!

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When life is tricky and I don’t mean a tricky dick, though one would be nice.

November 18, 2009 at 5:24 pm (Could I Be Any More Boring?, Monkey Business, The Monkeys in My Head) (, , , , , , )

Last night I had a dream that just would not end. I’d wake up and go back to sleep and the damn thing would just keep going. It was about the love of my life but in present day. What do these type of dreams mean?

Last year I got in touch with him because when we split I promised him I would always stay in touch so give or take 20 years I felt it was important to keep my word. As fate would have it, we were both single and after a couple of months of phone calls that would last for hours at a time he flew from Florida to see me. It was great to see him but the end result was we both realized that our lives are very different and it just isn’t meant to be. Well that and the tribble but that’s a tale for another post.

So back to the dream. I think it means the next great thing is on the horizon. That’s my theory and I’m stickin’ to it. 2009 was suppose to be a great year for me but the clock is ticking and I’m not sure there is a grace period on this. The year is almost over and damn it… something good NEEDS to happen soon.

JDrill told me the other night she ought to introduce me to this guy she knows that’s a millionaire. Now most women’s response would be, Oh Hell Yeah! My response, “fuck, he lives 180 miles away and that sounds like too much trouble.” What kind of cuckoo brain says shit like that? No wonder I’m still single, I should just carry a cactus in my purse. Bonus points if you know the movie.

For a while now I’ve been trying to find something to blog about but seriously, there’s been nothing but dead air or chatter going on in my head. Tuesdays was the day I could usually pull out at least a sentence or two but now I have this new co-worker who brings nothing to work to occupy her time other than her voice so it’s constant chatter about nothing. She’s really nice enough but fuck, Tuesdays was my day to relax.

And now for a bit of corporate whining. I don’t know how I am going to make it to Christmas this year. The we are going to have such a happy Christmas ads have already started and I’m sure I’m not the only one who wants to throw something at the tv each time I see one. We have “reality” (ha) tv, can’t we have some reality commercials? I really want someone to step up to the plate and say they know this Christmas is going to suck and give us some solution as to how we’re going to pull this one out of our ass.

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What is certain to become the next big reality show

August 25, 2009 at 2:34 pm (Oh Hell No, The Monkeys in My Head) (, , , , , )

What is up with all these already fortunate people who have reality shows and then get more perks by starting their own lines and opening stores? I flipped on the TV yesterday and it was on E!  and those two Kardasian girls (spl of their names… don’t care if it’s wrong it’s not worth my time to look up). All their immature and crazy sister bullshit over “their store” and “radio show” and whatever else their spoiled asses had going on. Honestly, I could only take about 7 minutes of it and that was too much. Then there’s Jon from Kate + 8 – Jon… he’s now off trying to set up some divorced dads show and get a deal with the Ed Hardy line. Next up we have the housewifes of whatever city and they now have wig lines and CDs even though they show no talent. What am I missing here folks? How do I get one of these gigs? How about a real reality show on The Housewives of Dead Husbands? I think the title has a catchy ring to it.

Yeah, probably boring tv but hey if the money is rolling in I can surely find many ways to make things interesting!

ETA: Now that I think about it, yesterday’s butt explosion would have been a perfect episode. Not only did we have the drama of that, I had a slight meltdown at the vet’s office which I’m certain would have added a nice comedic angle. Hell my life is one thing or another on a daily basis so perhaps it could be interesting. And with all the trips and shit they supply to add to the shows, which of course JDrill would partake in, that is sure to make for fun crazy times… oh hell yeah, the wheels are churning. Where’s the link to Bravo and E! to pitch my ideas?

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Returning to the land of the living with more piss and vinegar

August 18, 2009 at 2:38 pm (Exorcising Demons, The Monkeys in My Head) (, , , , , )

If a few old posts show up in your reader today it’s because I chose to make those posts public again. I had marked a few of them private thinking that certain individuals might see them and heaven forbid someone see what truly goes on in my head. Well you know what, Fuck Them, I have a story to tell and if they don’t like it they can fuck me running. (Actually I won’t be running because that would be stupid and I refuse to run from anyone, well unless it’s someone trying to stab me or something.)

As I try to sort out my life and find some consistency, the last few months have presented a challenge at best. I thought the first year would be the hardest but have since found that was not the case. The first year was foggy and somewhat euphoric, having been set free from crazy at last. This year reality set in and it’s been spent learning how to manage all those broken bits of me and turn myself into something I should have always been.

Lack of time and deciding on what to blog about has been an issue. Like I said above, I have a story to tell but I’m not sure how to tell it and perhaps it’s only interesting to me, I’m just not sure. But I do know that I love making fun of myself over the stupid things I can sometimes do and doing so reminds me not to take myself and life so seriously because really, what good does it truly do to stress ones self into a frenzy when stress in itself has no positive outcome to any given situation.

So I vow here today, in front of both my readers, that no matter what kind of shit is thrown at me in the upcoming months I will refuse to lay down and let that asshole win. If I so much as hint at forgetting this, please remind me.

On an unrelated note, I had a date Saturday night and it was fun. I’m really on the fence about dating… my life just seems too crazy right now and not sure if I have the energy for it. I’ve never really “dated” much, for the most part I have always been in a relationship and dating confuses me and is so out of my comfort zone. But, I decided to stop over thinking things and just go out and have fun so that is what I did.

I’m going to get this posted before I change my mind and this ends up being another permanent draft that never sees the light of day.

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Not Even a Real Post

April 16, 2009 at 3:08 pm (The Monkeys in My Head) (, , , , )

  1. I know I need to update… just been too damn tired.
  2. Deadliest Catch premier was this week, hell yeah!
  3. There was something else but now I have forgotten.  Back tomorrow with more nonsense.

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Here’s my counteroffer to your counteroffer — go fuck yourself

January 30, 2009 at 9:08 pm (Exorcising Demons, The Monkeys in My Head) (, , , , , , )

The monkeys are at it again. I’m having a very difficult time letting go of something that doesn’t even exist. Intellectually, I know what is in my best interests so this shouldn’t even be a consideration but I can’t help hard-racking this to death. And because I’m giving it so much consideration and really want to forget about it for at least seven or 45 minutes, I’m feeling a bit Butchie Yost and thinking, “I’m going to get high, I’m going to get fucking high.” But like Butchie, can’t seem to get the deed done as I fear hangovers in the worse possible way.

Why do we do this to ourselves? It isn’t even worth the time and energy I’ve spent on it.  I know what it is, it’s the shiny and sparkly that I’m missing and oh dear Lord little baby Jesus how will I cope? My mother, who can be pretty damn funny, told me I should just forget about dating and go to the adult store and stock up on supplies. Wiser words have never been spoken.

The other thing I can’t get past is I keep feeling like I must have done something wrong. It was my decision in the end, the only rational one to be made, but I still can’t help thinking that if I had done something differently there wouldn’t have been such a turn of events. That is just stupid, I never do anything wrong, I am a Goddess and I must always remember this.

While deep in the throws of composition I took time out to do some reading and here is a snippet of something I found interesting:

Compatibility is rarely a factor in attraction, because it doesn’t create that attractive spark. We are more likely to be attracted to mates who stimulate us because they are different, who open doorways into worlds that are new to us. Perfect compatibility is boring – it’s sitting on the sofa watching tv for the rest of our lives. Few of us are really looking for this kind of relationship.

The arena(s) in which we will do most of our soul growth is/are indicated in the natal astrological chart. A soulmate relationship generally begins with a feeling of fatednessand kinship, which signifies that there will be contact on a soul level. This does not necessarily mean that marriage and a lifetime of perfect harmony will follow, but rather than this relationship will provide lessons and growth experiences for you. It is not unusual for this kind of relationship to fall away once the lessons have been learned so that the individual can move on to the next level.

That all sounds good but what are the lessons here?

  1. Don’t be such a dumbass
  2. Take a vow of chastity and blog more as a distraction
  3. Find someone boring and be happy with them
  4. Paint your nails and call it a day
  5. I still have much more suffering to do

The suffering comes from something J. Drill once said back in 2003 when we were flying off on a whirl-wind adventure. Still worried about terrorists and flying in general, I said something about the plane going down and J. Drill said to me, “Won’t happen, you haven’t suffered enough yet.” Damn that woman and her psychic abilities!

So one beautiful fall morning I happened to spy, with my little eyes, what would become my PTSD for some time to come when I witnessed what the full range of plethora looks like close up. At this point, J. Drill said I had perhaps suffered enough and shouldn’t fly anytime soon (see, I’m not the only one who has to laugh in the face of tragedy!). I truly felt that this was the coup de grâce and things could only get better but no, hell no. Fate or whatever laughed at me and it roared its ugly head once again just a week later. Anyway, my point is, it’s not over till its over and until then we just have to stand it like a man and give some back.  And I propose that it might just be a splendid idea to stand it like a man and hit the range; give some back with some names on the targets.

On an up note, I got my hair done today and I must say it looks mighty fine and sassy. And I’m pretty sure it makes me look at least 2-3 months younger!

And the title, well that’s just in case I should get a call at some point seeking a counteroffer.

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When Disappointment is Overwhelming

January 29, 2009 at 3:29 pm (Polls, The Monkeys in My Head) (, , )

Last Friday night I had a conversation with someone and they told me something I needed to hear and I’m grateful that the truth came. So this past week, while trying to process my indignation over the whole matter, I have been hoping I could come up with some kind of hilarity in all of this to:

  1. Deal with it
  2. Have something to post on the blog

Honestly, not coming up with much.

I want to know why this source of disappointment appeared in my life?These life lessons are starting to wear thin on me. I sort of know why but I want to lay it out on the lab table, dissect it, look at it under the microscope, light it on fire, and then put the ashes in my mini Eiffel Tower urn, cuz that’s how I roll. The only satisfaction I’m getting right now is knowing what a bitch Karma can be and perhaps I racked up a few points on this one.

I want to know what the fuck is wrong with people?  There must be good people out there. I must find a way to distract the bad ones from entering my life, I’m so done with them.  Perhaps I need to wear a big button. As the great philosopher J. Drill once said, “I’m tired of being their momma and trying to teach them the difference between right and wrong.”  So for those that do know the difference between right and wrong and being a decent human being, the line forms to my left.

Let’s have a poll! I sure hope someone can come up with better answers for me.

ETA: Why doesn’t my poll show what was typed into other? Aren’t the poll fairies working?

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Putting My Pain Out There on the Internets so We Can All Have a Good Time

January 10, 2009 at 9:45 pm (The Monkeys in My Head)

True Story:
So while sitting on the toilet, trying to mind my own business, I ended up having to stick my fingers in my ears and start singing LaLaLaLa to block out Teh Crazies chatting on the local gab line in my head. One of them says, “She’s gotta get over herself.” Another chirps in, “He’s an ass, this really isn’t about her.” Lalalalala… monkeys jumpin’ from vines, eatin’ bananas, 12 of them to be exact and I think one of them may have said, “Know your doses.”
Nobody is gonna talk shit to me, so while this mental boxing match is going on in my head I’m thinking this is the time to start new, live out loud, get my shit in one sock or go crazy trying, which is the most likely outcome.
After all, what kind of fucked up mess spends their day sitting around reading other people’s blogs to keep away the reality that “he just wasn’t that into you so you kicked him to the curb.” Oh yeah, that would be me. And here I now sit with a totally free evening and there must be at least a gazillion things I can do right now. Let’s number the list, shall we?


Anyone know what the number is for a gazillion before I get that far in my list? Does anyone know if I even spelled gazillion correctly because I am so telling you now that I hate spell checkers and I may misspell a lot of words here on the blog. So don’t get all up in my comments and correct my spelling, punctuation, or grammar unless I specifically ask you. This is the house’s #1 rule.

Fuck, I can’t even come up with one action item anyway so screw it.
I lied. I guess I could paint my ceiling but that would require standing on a ladder which I will most certainly fall off from and break my hip and then my prophecy of crazy would come true cuz we all know that’s when the Mad Cow sets in. Then I’ll be living in a nursing home drooling all over myself while the monkeys are shooting me up with dope. Sure, I’ll get right on that.  Course if it’s good dope, it might now be so bad.
Where was I, oh yeah… Stop acting like adults and trying to have grown-up relationships.
My plan, which obviously sucked monkey ass, went like this: 
1. We can date other people
2. Always be honest with one another, full disclosure
3. Friends first, yada yada yada

Well that’s a big old bag of shit that’s someday going to blow up in your face. The first time you hear, “I can’t see you this Saturday night because I, um, well, I have a date,” your going to want to rip his heart out, bake it in some sauce and serve it to him all June Cleaver like, apron and all.

 Uh, I don’t know Butchie instead.
So when I was younger and broke up with a boyfriend because he didn’t want me to see other guys (fucking Karma) and after I was mopping around for a day or maybe three my father said to me, “It’s been three days, time to shut down the pity party.” Gah, it’s one of those things that stayed with me and is so special to be remembered on days like today. But technically, it’s only been two days so fuck off, I’m still within the three day rule and I’ll sit around thinking of ways to bury his body if I want to, him and his minions. I include his minions because it was just one week before said full disclosure, adult-like conversation that one of them said to me, “You know, I think he loves you.” Are you fucking kidding me? Oh yeah, he may, really… he just likes to express his love for me on other women. Isn’t that what Dr. Harley was talking about when he talked about “love deposits?” I get it now, he just got his banks confused is all. I can totally buy into that concept as I so often deposit my money at the wrong bank.
And how is it, that my bf of the last 80 years or so, she and I both, after the parting of the husbands, both chose what might as well be twin brothers for our rebound guys?  We like to call them our “healers.” Stop fucking laughing!  Even though we are Goddesses and shit, we all have our weak moments and we’re pretty damn good at justifying whatever is necessary at the moment.
Even my dog is into the party action tonight, he keeps sitting here whining. I’m sure he’s wondering why his arch nemesis isn’t here tonight annoying him and pissing all over the house (the man’s dog, not the man). Nobody to get all BayBay on so he’s obviously sad too. Guess there is a bright side, think of all the cleaning products, water, and energy I’m conserving from cleaning up said piss. Go me and my carbon footprint!
Well folks, this was a time suck of an hour or so of my pity party, now what? Party favors anyone? Now where did I put that shovel?
Good Karma to you.
I double dog dare ya to comment.

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