2010 is going to kick some ass, hopefully in a good way

January 8, 2010 at 11:26 pm (Dot's Pantry Tricks) (, , )

Today it occurred to me that no matter how much life can suck, it’s all still good as long as you can dance. I proclaim 2010 to be the year of dance! I often ask myself, “why so sad, girl?” a statement/question that cracks me up a little and in turn makes me feel like busting a move. That my dear friends makes for a good time on an otherwise dreary day.

Remember when I talked about the endless supply of Fruit Roll Ups? Grandma caught wind that Mr. Wonderful likes gummy bears so now he’s the proud owner of a six pound bag of Brach’s Gummies. Today she informed me she will be picking up more, it is clear she is stocking my pantry so we’re ready for the next Great Depression. She also picked up a ginormous box of Goldfish but I need to have her get some pretzels, they go better with the gummies.

Guess that’s all I got. I’m bored and dreaming of far-a-way places…

Now off with your bad self and go dance a little.

Feels good, doesn’t it?

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Returning to the land of the living with more piss and vinegar

August 18, 2009 at 2:38 pm (Exorcising Demons, The Monkeys in My Head) (, , , , , )

If a few old posts show up in your reader today it’s because I chose to make those posts public again. I had marked a few of them private thinking that certain individuals might see them and heaven forbid someone see what truly goes on in my head. Well you know what, Fuck Them, I have a story to tell and if they don’t like it they can fuck me running. (Actually I won’t be running because that would be stupid and I refuse to run from anyone, well unless it’s someone trying to stab me or something.)

As I try to sort out my life and find some consistency, the last few months have presented a challenge at best. I thought the first year would be the hardest but have since found that was not the case. The first year was foggy and somewhat euphoric, having been set free from crazy at last. This year reality set in and it’s been spent learning how to manage all those broken bits of me and turn myself into something I should have always been.

Lack of time and deciding on what to blog about has been an issue. Like I said above, I have a story to tell but I’m not sure how to tell it and perhaps it’s only interesting to me, I’m just not sure. But I do know that I love making fun of myself over the stupid things I can sometimes do and doing so reminds me not to take myself and life so seriously because really, what good does it truly do to stress ones self into a frenzy when stress in itself has no positive outcome to any given situation.

So I vow here today, in front of both my readers, that no matter what kind of shit is thrown at me in the upcoming months I will refuse to lay down and let that asshole win. If I so much as hint at forgetting this, please remind me.

On an unrelated note, I had a date Saturday night and it was fun. I’m really on the fence about dating… my life just seems too crazy right now and not sure if I have the energy for it. I’ve never really “dated” much, for the most part I have always been in a relationship and dating confuses me and is so out of my comfort zone. But, I decided to stop over thinking things and just go out and have fun so that is what I did.

I’m going to get this posted before I change my mind and this ends up being another permanent draft that never sees the light of day.

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I am a killer of cute little chipmunks and rabbits, box wine for the bitches, and I no longer handle stress very well

July 7, 2009 at 2:19 pm (Exorcising Demons, Monkey Business, Sassy Saturday) (, , , , , , )

Last week Mr. Wonderful was weeding over by the pond and yells, “mom, there are two dead chipmunks in the pond!” Sure enough there was, not like he would make that shit up but I was surprised. Though I do have chipmunks that live behind the pond I have never harbored dead chipmunks. After securing the crime scene I properly disposed of them (that is if properly disposing of them is picking them up with the pooper scooper and putting them in the weed trash can). Later I was talking to a friend who is pretty sure I am not a chipmunk killer and said that they must have gotten a hold of some poision and then when they went to drink out of the pond their stomachs blew up or some shit and fell in. Poor little guys. My blog might be called Poison’s Aftertaste but it has nothing to do with me poisioning anything, especially little wild pets.

JDrill is visiting for the week so now I have four doggies at my house. I’m certain that by the weeks end one of us will trip over one and break a hip. And it has now been determinded that my dog has lost his mind but I’m not sure why. More as the story develops. UPDATE: I now have five dogs at the house… JDrill’s boyfriend is over with his dog.

This morning I’m trying to get out the door for work and I’m standing on the deck saying goodbye to my company and next thing I hear is, “shit! Dog #3 has a rabbit!” (we have to count them like kids to make sure they are all accounted for… starting to feel a bit like Kate + 8 – Jon) Thank God her boyfriend was still here cuz we both yell, “dude… handle it!” I can scoop up a chipmunk with a pooper scooper but I can’t handle an almost dead rabbit. Turns out this was an already injured rabbit, car injury but man am I skeeved out right now with all the critters goin’ down in my yard.

Saturday night on our way out to the ho-down my neighbor text me and wanted to know if she could drop off her two dogs since she wouldn’t be home. Are you fucking kidding me!!! My dog freaks over fireworks so I already had to tranquilize him, two are fine with them and the other is deaf so obviously they don’t bother her. Though we never got to why I needed to watch her two dogs I seem to recall they don’t like fireworks either. She probably thought I was lying when I told her I was on my way out the door and already had 4 at my house.

We made it to the party Saturday night. It was on a river front property and not far from the city’s firework display so we had a good view for them. The group of people who attended were not my usual peeps but JDrill and I can roll with anyone and so we did. It was interesting to say the least and there was box wine for the bitches.  Enough said.

Tomorrow I will be busy setting up for a garage sale.  Nothing more fun then having a bunch yahoos traipsing all over your property, trying to steal or haggle over the price of almost free shit. Good times.

I’ve been trying to get this posted for two days so that’s it, I’m done, for now. Certaintly more hilarity to ensue this week so until then, toodle loo.

P.S. There may be many misspellings (including this word, I’m not sure). For one: we all have our words we jack up, two: full disclosure here… I took a Soma to relax my overstressed self.  Hey, I’m desperate and have no Xanax only dog tranquilizers. I’ve tried to spell check twice, on two different computers, both times it locks up.

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If I don’t post something soon I should probably turn this into a craft blog.

May 26, 2009 at 4:41 pm (Exorcising Demons, Family Foolery, Monkey Business, Oh Hell No, Sassy Saturday) (, , , , , )

Hells bells and cocker spaniels.  Ok, fine, whatever, I’ll get off my lazy ass and post as I don’t want to be responsible for anyone dying on my blog.

Ms. Drill came to visit over the weekend. Not sure if I have security clearance so I can’t say what it is but she brought her new car… ooohhhh is it drool worthy! So much so that I had to name mine Clyde cuz that’s about what mine looks like in comparison.

In other news, we went out Saturday night and tore it up. We had a final destination in mind but after a couple of beers and a shot of tequila… as she put it, “our asses grew roots to the stools” we were sitting in. Turns out we knew the band and decided to hang there and get people dancing, which we did.  She was smarter than me though, she didn’t chance that second shot of tequila but I did. Then there was this guy, who whenever he came up to the bar would smile at me and by then I was starting to feel a bit brave and two certain people kept telling me to go talk to him so I did, only to find out the woman he was with was hidden by the popcorn machine. So as I approach I’m all like… ah fuck, how do I get out of this gracefully… so I kinda just walked around them and made a beeline for some other guy at the bar and started talking to him. Yeah, I’m real smooth like that. It’s a good thing I don’t do this kind of thing often, I’m sure my humiliation of the evening will keep me from attempting any more shots for a while.

To say we felt a bit fuzzy the next day would be an understatement and fortunately we only had a family cookout to attend. I was good and earlier in the day only had two beers, you know, to take the edge off. We came back home and settled in to watch Breaking Bad and both of us were a bit unsettled by the ending scene. The next day a friend called me to tell me that one of his friends’ daughter had died a few days ago from the same thing (OD’d) and a guy he worked with died on Sunday in a bike accident. Fuck.

So that was our weekend… how was yours?

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Friday Edition of Dreams and Dead

April 24, 2009 at 9:32 pm (Exorcising Demons, Friday Soap Box) (, , , , , , , )

Death’s been on my mind a lot lately. The psychic Ms. Drill had a dream about an elaborate Saprano-like funeral and cuz we know how she is, when relaying the dream to me said, I wonder who’s going to die. A few days later I had a dream, yet again, that Mr. Fuckery was back from the dead and trying to tell me the mistakes I’ve made this past year and a half and what needed to change. The next day my sister called to tell me her dad died.

Periodically I have these dreams where he comes in like nothing has happened and tries to pick up life where he left off and I’m all like, are you fucking kidding me? I let him go on for a while and eventually have to tell him he’s dead but before I can get his reaction I always wake up.

There’s a blog I read where a woman, who very much loved her husband, lost him recently to a terminal illness. I read her blog and sometimes feel bad that I don’t feel those emotions of a love that’s lost. We’re suppose to mourn those we lose, it’s like a law or something, but mostly what I feel is indifference. I can empathize with the feelings of being overwhelmed, feeling alone, etc., but I can’t really relate to the rest.

At one point I did love him but the last couple of years he was alive he made sure to destroy that love. And during those last couple of years I was already grieving the loss of my marriage so I guess I had some of the grief already behind me.

As far as the dreams… when someone takes their life it raises many questions that can never be answered, especially when you never saw it coming. I expected a lot of things from him but that wasn’t one of them so it leaves things open ended and I assume that’s why I have these dreams. But most days the questions don’t bother me and as time goes on just becomes more of a curiosity.

Hell I don’t even know what my point is here but I do know that grief has been replaced with just living, learning to depend on no one but myself, and giving my son and me the life we deserve.

Did I hear you say my time is up?  Don’t even think about billing me.

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The Lost Weekend…

April 20, 2009 at 2:26 pm (My Hypochondria) (, , , )

…which didn’t star Ray Milland.

Awoke Saturday morning to ninjas attacking my intestines which then lead to me realizing that FLU is actually an acronym and not short for influenza, as I had always thought. This assualt was brought on by an 89 year old woman who had told me last week that “getting old ain’t for sissy’s,” and I will admit she’s one fiesty old woman to have survived this because I was almost wishing for death on Saturday.

Still not feeling to great so I will be back soon as I get my sassy back.

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Happy Friday

April 10, 2009 at 12:08 pm (Exorcising Demons) (, , , )

Been very very busy. Decided it was time to exorcise more demons and redo my suite so can I feel all zen like and oh my, it’s working. It’s amazing what some furniture, picture, and stuff arranging can do to ones outlook. The down side is, I don’t want to leave my nest but I must. Going to visit Ms. Drill and get our front porch on. She has the best front porch, it’s very southern like with just the right amount of privacy. We’ve laughed, we’ve cried, we’ve burnt shit… many fond memories had there with more to come. If anything should end up in flames I will post some pictures next week!

Y’all be good and have a happy Easter!

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Exorcising Demons

March 25, 2009 at 9:07 pm (Electronics That Go Bump in the Night, Thought of the Day) (, , , , , )

It just occurred to me that it’s been 1-1/2 years ago today. It almost passed right by me today as I don’t think about it each month like I did the first year.  Let me mark the day with this little ditty.

It was the 25th day of September, that day I’ll always remember…
Mr. Fuckery was a trolling bone, wherever he is will never be home,
and when he died, I was relieved he left us alone.

Perhaps that sounds cruel, disrespectful, whatever. Guess you had to be there.

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The New Crack

February 28, 2009 at 4:03 pm (Monkey Business) (, , , )

At night I tend to have a bit of a sweet tooth and lately it’s only been satisfied by hitting up Fruit Roll-ups. Apparently I am an eight year old. It’s not my fault, honestly, it’s my mothers dealers. My supplier has this thing where if she finds you like something, then if one is good five is better, and you damn well better have your pantry empty because she’s going to fill it up with that shit.

She doesn’t buy them for me, they’re for my kid and though Mr. Wonderful likes them, I covet them. There’s something about them that soothes my savage soul and after a couple of them I might be able to stop my gluttonous ways before I hit the cookies or ice cream.

Should you concur with my thoughts on their yumminess, heed this warning:

Make sure to carefully remove all the plastic they are wrapped in in a well lit and probably well ventilated area.

If you don’t and find it’s a bit tougher than it should be you might want to make sure you removed all the plastic. Not that I would know anything about that.

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Life

February 24, 2009 at 4:52 pm (Uncategorized) (, , , )

Life has been an absolute bitch lately and it’s been making Poison cranky and an unproductive blogger. Even though I should have focused elsewhere today, I decided I really needed to take the time and finally start clearing out the Den of Doom, it’s been way beyond an acceptable time frame and weighs heavily on me.  I can’t believe how much shit I’ve already thrown out and even though this will be a longer process than I would like, at least it’s started and that feels pretty damn good.

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