How Facebook will totally ruin my life

August 25, 2009 at 11:00 am (Oh Hell No) (, , , , , )

I thought Facebook was all about stalking ex’s and social networking. I can’t find the time to do anything I should be doing because I have to check my Vampire Wars account at least every 60 minutes so I don’t lose any blood. I am not a gamer but somehow I have been totally sucked (no pun intended) into this one.  Each time I check my account to deposit my blood I find that I have to either then do some missions, buy minions, or go on some attacks and it’s exhausting. Though I can replenish my health and energy it does nothing for me in my real life.

On another note, my dog’s ass exploded yesterday. Though I will try and not be graphic, for those who have delicate sensibilities you might want to skip this part.

Sunday I was brushing the pup and everything about him appeared fine. The next morning I got up and noticed that something was most definitely wrong in the hind quarters. He wouldn’t let me get anywhere close to examine but I knew it was not good. I rushed him to the vet and found out he had an anal gland erupt. She asked me if he had been scooting and I told him a little but not that much. Take heed… make sure your groomer is taking care of your dog’s glands. I groomed him last month but I had no idea this could happen if you miss one expressing.  So long story short, his ass is looking much better today and he should be just fine. I just felt like a horrible mom for him having to endure such a thing. Not only was it painful for him but can you image the humiliation he has to suffer? Mr. Wonderful goes and yells over the fence to the neighbors all about the dog’s butt, with their two dogs within ear shot. Now he’s the laughing stock of the neighborhood, all his dog crew are cracking butt jokes and now none of them want to sniff his ass. 

Since I’m making an effort these days to find the positive in all situations… I guess that’s better than finding out he’s some stray’s puppy daddy.

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Returning to the land of the living with more piss and vinegar

August 18, 2009 at 2:38 pm (Exorcising Demons, The Monkeys in My Head) (, , , , , )

If a few old posts show up in your reader today it’s because I chose to make those posts public again. I had marked a few of them private thinking that certain individuals might see them and heaven forbid someone see what truly goes on in my head. Well you know what, Fuck Them, I have a story to tell and if they don’t like it they can fuck me running. (Actually I won’t be running because that would be stupid and I refuse to run from anyone, well unless it’s someone trying to stab me or something.)

As I try to sort out my life and find some consistency, the last few months have presented a challenge at best. I thought the first year would be the hardest but have since found that was not the case. The first year was foggy and somewhat euphoric, having been set free from crazy at last. This year reality set in and it’s been spent learning how to manage all those broken bits of me and turn myself into something I should have always been.

Lack of time and deciding on what to blog about has been an issue. Like I said above, I have a story to tell but I’m not sure how to tell it and perhaps it’s only interesting to me, I’m just not sure. But I do know that I love making fun of myself over the stupid things I can sometimes do and doing so reminds me not to take myself and life so seriously because really, what good does it truly do to stress ones self into a frenzy when stress in itself has no positive outcome to any given situation.

So I vow here today, in front of both my readers, that no matter what kind of shit is thrown at me in the upcoming months I will refuse to lay down and let that asshole win. If I so much as hint at forgetting this, please remind me.

On an unrelated note, I had a date Saturday night and it was fun. I’m really on the fence about dating… my life just seems too crazy right now and not sure if I have the energy for it. I’ve never really “dated” much, for the most part I have always been in a relationship and dating confuses me and is so out of my comfort zone. But, I decided to stop over thinking things and just go out and have fun so that is what I did.

I’m going to get this posted before I change my mind and this ends up being another permanent draft that never sees the light of day.

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I am a killer of cute little chipmunks and rabbits, box wine for the bitches, and I no longer handle stress very well

July 7, 2009 at 2:19 pm (Exorcising Demons, Monkey Business, Sassy Saturday) (, , , , , , )

Last week Mr. Wonderful was weeding over by the pond and yells, “mom, there are two dead chipmunks in the pond!” Sure enough there was, not like he would make that shit up but I was surprised. Though I do have chipmunks that live behind the pond I have never harbored dead chipmunks. After securing the crime scene I properly disposed of them (that is if properly disposing of them is picking them up with the pooper scooper and putting them in the weed trash can). Later I was talking to a friend who is pretty sure I am not a chipmunk killer and said that they must have gotten a hold of some poision and then when they went to drink out of the pond their stomachs blew up or some shit and fell in. Poor little guys. My blog might be called Poison’s Aftertaste but it has nothing to do with me poisioning anything, especially little wild pets.

JDrill is visiting for the week so now I have four doggies at my house. I’m certain that by the weeks end one of us will trip over one and break a hip. And it has now been determinded that my dog has lost his mind but I’m not sure why. More as the story develops. UPDATE: I now have five dogs at the house… JDrill’s boyfriend is over with his dog.

This morning I’m trying to get out the door for work and I’m standing on the deck saying goodbye to my company and next thing I hear is, “shit! Dog #3 has a rabbit!” (we have to count them like kids to make sure they are all accounted for… starting to feel a bit like Kate + 8 – Jon) Thank God her boyfriend was still here cuz we both yell, “dude… handle it!” I can scoop up a chipmunk with a pooper scooper but I can’t handle an almost dead rabbit. Turns out this was an already injured rabbit, car injury but man am I skeeved out right now with all the critters goin’ down in my yard.

Saturday night on our way out to the ho-down my neighbor text me and wanted to know if she could drop off her two dogs since she wouldn’t be home. Are you fucking kidding me!!! My dog freaks over fireworks so I already had to tranquilize him, two are fine with them and the other is deaf so obviously they don’t bother her. Though we never got to why I needed to watch her two dogs I seem to recall they don’t like fireworks either. She probably thought I was lying when I told her I was on my way out the door and already had 4 at my house.

We made it to the party Saturday night. It was on a river front property and not far from the city’s firework display so we had a good view for them. The group of people who attended were not my usual peeps but JDrill and I can roll with anyone and so we did. It was interesting to say the least and there was box wine for the bitches.  Enough said.

Tomorrow I will be busy setting up for a garage sale.  Nothing more fun then having a bunch yahoos traipsing all over your property, trying to steal or haggle over the price of almost free shit. Good times.

I’ve been trying to get this posted for two days so that’s it, I’m done, for now. Certaintly more hilarity to ensue this week so until then, toodle loo.

P.S. There may be many misspellings (including this word, I’m not sure). For one: we all have our words we jack up, two: full disclosure here… I took a Soma to relax my overstressed self.  Hey, I’m desperate and have no Xanax only dog tranquilizers. I’ve tried to spell check twice, on two different computers, both times it locks up.

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I don’t need to be fishing next to some knuckle-head

July 1, 2009 at 8:47 pm (Could I Be Any More Boring?, Garage of Gloom, Monkey Business) (, , , , , )

I haven’t abandoned the blog, just been very very busy, don’t bother me. JDrill is coming to visit for a week, I have the hiccups, a garage sale is about to commence, there’s a ho-down to attend this weekend, I’m dog sitting a deaf and blind dog that I have to watch like a shit hawk or she eats her own poop, it’s the Deadliest Catch season, and there are weeds that need to be pulled.

I’ll be back when I have a few extra minutes.

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Weather, zombies, balloon, my foot is totally asleep and I stood up and almost fell down, twice

June 16, 2009 at 11:48 am (Could I Be Any More Boring?, Family Foolery) (, , , , , , )

  • Apparently I’ve gone international, hello Lithuania!
  • The life has been sucked out of me. All work and no play make me a boring person with little to blog about. We’ve had a strange spring, mostly cold and now we seem to be into a rainy season so when I’m not working and the weather is half way decent I have to quickly dash outside and work on my outdoor to-do list.
  • The weekend was the zombie march in Chicago. JDrill’s son was looking out his window and saw a couple hundred of them walking down Michigan Avenue. All I got from my window was a hot air balloon flying over head.
  • There was a family cook out this weekend. One of my siblings lives within spitting distance of me and I rarely see him. He’s retired so it’s not like he’s busy with work, he’s just a bit antisocial. When I arrived at the cook out my father introduced us… good one dad!
  • Lately I’ve been thinking a lot of where I’m at in my life and am finding that for the most part I am content. I think about dating but 1. I haven’t met anyone who interests me, 2. I’m not up for another disappointment, and 3. it requires effort that is better spent on creating an obstacle course to my heart.
  • See, told you I’ve been boring.

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If I don’t post something soon I should probably turn this into a craft blog.

May 26, 2009 at 4:41 pm (Exorcising Demons, Family Foolery, Monkey Business, Oh Hell No, Sassy Saturday) (, , , , , )

Hells bells and cocker spaniels.  Ok, fine, whatever, I’ll get off my lazy ass and post as I don’t want to be responsible for anyone dying on my blog.

Ms. Drill came to visit over the weekend. Not sure if I have security clearance so I can’t say what it is but she brought her new car… ooohhhh is it drool worthy! So much so that I had to name mine Clyde cuz that’s about what mine looks like in comparison.

In other news, we went out Saturday night and tore it up. We had a final destination in mind but after a couple of beers and a shot of tequila… as she put it, “our asses grew roots to the stools” we were sitting in. Turns out we knew the band and decided to hang there and get people dancing, which we did.  She was smarter than me though, she didn’t chance that second shot of tequila but I did. Then there was this guy, who whenever he came up to the bar would smile at me and by then I was starting to feel a bit brave and two certain people kept telling me to go talk to him so I did, only to find out the woman he was with was hidden by the popcorn machine. So as I approach I’m all like… ah fuck, how do I get out of this gracefully… so I kinda just walked around them and made a beeline for some other guy at the bar and started talking to him. Yeah, I’m real smooth like that. It’s a good thing I don’t do this kind of thing often, I’m sure my humiliation of the evening will keep me from attempting any more shots for a while.

To say we felt a bit fuzzy the next day would be an understatement and fortunately we only had a family cookout to attend. I was good and earlier in the day only had two beers, you know, to take the edge off. We came back home and settled in to watch Breaking Bad and both of us were a bit unsettled by the ending scene. The next day a friend called me to tell me that one of his friends’ daughter had died a few days ago from the same thing (OD’d) and a guy he worked with died on Sunday in a bike accident. Fuck.

So that was our weekend… how was yours?

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You know how you plan on cleaning one small thing and then the next thing you know eight hours have gone by?

May 9, 2009 at 9:34 pm (Cleaning Fairies, Exorcising Demons, Sassy Saturday) (, , , )

Yeah, that was my day. I went out into the garage to clean up one very small area but then it was like I was attacked by cleaning fairies and next thing I know it’s 8:00 pm, only no fairies actually showed up to clean… the bitches left it all to me.  I have cabinets in my garage and honestly I had no clue what was in most of them.  In order to prepare for painting season I needed to organize my painting supplies. To my surprise I found that I have about 15 roller handles and a dozen new rollers, 5 paint trays, 5 paint clothes, 50,000 paint stirrers, 5 or so edgers, etc., etc., etc.

As I was cleaning I found multiples of multiples. At one time I believe Mr. Fuckery was somewhat organized but you would never know it. So apparently when he couldn’t find something, because it was shoved in a bag or box somewhere and then placed in an obscure location, he would just go buy another.  I’m fairly certain I will never have to buy tire or leather cleaner, remote start systems for cars (I found 3), computer cables (I found 100’s… seriously… most of which were tossed out), extension cords or scrub brushes.

In my desire for order I took everything off the pegboards, little hanging doohickeys as well, and started putting things back up in an order that makes sense. All 6 rolls of electrical tape, 2 rolls duct tape, 2 rolls packing tape, 4 rolls double sided tape, and tapes that I have no idea what they’re used for, are all now in a neat and orderly fashion. I got out my black sharpie and then proceeded to outline those babies and now there’s no mistaking where they reside. Kidding, I’m a bit of a freak but not that freaky.

Next up… guest room, I have company coming soon and it looks like it’s been in the middle of a shiticane!

Happy Mother’s Day everyone!

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If We Don’t All Die From the Flu, We’ll Probably Starve to Death

May 1, 2009 at 9:14 pm (Friday Soap Box) (, , , , , , , )

Oh Hell No.

To quote the great philosopher JDrill:

Don’t worry so much about the flu, worry about what they are hiding. Using a big pig scare to keep the sheep busy. Look the sky is falling.

You know there’s something else going on that’s bigger than the flu, possibly the whole Paki-Tali thing. Being lazy and becoming bored easily, I only keep half-assed abreast of the news but from what I have gathered that whole situation does not look good. 

I have a bigger news theory but there’s no way I’m posting it. It would be just my luck it spreads like wild fire around the internet then I get a knock at the door and am taken away to never again see the light of day. Hey, don’t laugh at my somewhat paranoid ass, crazier shit has happened in my life and I’ve learned to expect anything and everything.

In a very nearby city they have closed their entire school district until further notice because someone “affliated” with the district has a suspected case of the Oh Hell1No1 flu. From what I understand, schools are being recommended to close for two weeks. I just don’t see how these logistics are going to work because you know damn well people will still go to work, send their kids to daycare if it’s open, get on public transportation, etc., only to send the virus back to the schools when they reopen. Seriously, people can’t even cover their coughs with their shirt, cough into their elbow or not use your phone in an office when they’re sick.

So I play nice and follow the rules and Mr. Wonderful and I stay home, how the hell am I going to cope with that? I love my kid dearly but to be housebound with a bored child for two weeks… somebody better send some damn good somethin’ this way. Then there’s the whole I need to go to work to make money so I can buy food and pay my bills. See what I mean, if the flu doesn’t kill us we will all starve to death because we’ll have no money for food, everything will be closed or just the fear of leaving your damn house will be too much. YiYiYi!

Hell the flu I had a two weeks ago might have been Oh Hell1No1 for all I know, there’s been a lot of flu going around this area the past few weeks. How are they distinguishing it? Are they sending out people in hazmat suits to take saliva samples?

It boggles my mind at how quickly this situation has exploded. Even though I stated I was firing the media, it’s kinda like a soap opera and I can’t wait to tune in tomorrow to see what the news brings.

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Shitler’s List

April 29, 2009 at 5:58 pm (Electronics That Go Bump in the Night) (, , , , , , )

Back to the land of the Internets. Turned out the underground cable that runs from the box to my house went bad. This is not good. I now have a temporary cable running across my back yard and have no clue when it will get buried as apparently this work is contracted out. I sure hope I’m home when they do this because you know they are going to jack up my lawn and sprinkler system, badly.

**********

Oink flu… I don’t trust Teh Man and what they are telling us, it’s probably far worse than being reported and we’re now at something like freak the hell out level 5. I’m thankful that Mr. Wonderful goes to a relatively small school but still, it could end up there and that scares the shit out of me.

Furthermore, are we all going to have to run around wearing those blue mask things? That’s so not my color and they don’t go with any of my outfits. Will I have to get new bags and shoes to match? Frankly keeping up with these ever changing reports is exhausting and that’s the last thing I need right now so I’m going to have to fire the media again. I need to conserve my energy for watching my lawn like a shithawk for those turf wreckers.

Perhaps I will employ my retired neighbor, he loves to watch for shit. He spends many days just staring at my lawn and wondering then asking when I’m going to thatch it… he’s becoming a real Shitler about it. (Yeah well that will happen when I have some time off with no rain. Stop staring at it or get your retired thatchin’ ass over here and handle it.)  Certainly when I give him the news of the pending upheaval and how he can have full supervisory privileges he will have a new sense of purpose and maybe get off my ass about the thatching.

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The Crab Boats… great season so far!

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Bad Blogger, No Internet

April 28, 2009 at 8:20 am (Electronics That Go Bump in the Night) (, , , , )

Traveled all the way across town yesterday to Comcast to have my converter box changed out and then last night tried to go online to discover I had no internet. Called Comcast and found there was an outage in the area and apparently when they came back online they fried my modem. On the plus side they said they will replace my modem for free. So later this afternoon I will go all the way across town, again, and see if they keep their word.  Hopefully I’ll be back online tonight.

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