Shitler’s List

April 29, 2009 at 5:58 pm (Electronics That Go Bump in the Night) (, , , , , , )

Back to the land of the Internets. Turned out the underground cable that runs from the box to my house went bad. This is not good. I now have a temporary cable running across my back yard and have no clue when it will get buried as apparently this work is contracted out. I sure hope I’m home when they do this because you know they are going to jack up my lawn and sprinkler system, badly.

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Oink flu… I don’t trust Teh Man and what they are telling us, it’s probably far worse than being reported and we’re now at something like freak the hell out level 5. I’m thankful that Mr. Wonderful goes to a relatively small school but still, it could end up there and that scares the shit out of me.

Furthermore, are we all going to have to run around wearing those blue mask things? That’s so not my color and they don’t go with any of my outfits. Will I have to get new bags and shoes to match? Frankly keeping up with these ever changing reports is exhausting and that’s the last thing I need right now so I’m going to have to fire the media again. I need to conserve my energy for watching my lawn like a shithawk for those turf wreckers.

Perhaps I will employ my retired neighbor, he loves to watch for shit. He spends many days just staring at my lawn and wondering then asking when I’m going to thatch it… he’s becoming a real Shitler about it. (Yeah well that will happen when I have some time off with no rain. Stop staring at it or get your retired thatchin’ ass over here and handle it.)  Certainly when I give him the news of the pending upheaval and how he can have full supervisory privileges he will have a new sense of purpose and maybe get off my ass about the thatching.

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The Crab Boats… great season so far!

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Bad Blogger, No Internet

April 28, 2009 at 8:20 am (Electronics That Go Bump in the Night) (, , , , )

Traveled all the way across town yesterday to Comcast to have my converter box changed out and then last night tried to go online to discover I had no internet. Called Comcast and found there was an outage in the area and apparently when they came back online they fried my modem. On the plus side they said they will replace my modem for free. So later this afternoon I will go all the way across town, again, and see if they keep their word.  Hopefully I’ll be back online tonight.

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Friday Edition of Dreams and Dead

April 24, 2009 at 9:32 pm (Exorcising Demons, Friday Soap Box) (, , , , , , , )

Death’s been on my mind a lot lately. The psychic Ms. Drill had a dream about an elaborate Saprano-like funeral and cuz we know how she is, when relaying the dream to me said, I wonder who’s going to die. A few days later I had a dream, yet again, that Mr. Fuckery was back from the dead and trying to tell me the mistakes I’ve made this past year and a half and what needed to change. The next day my sister called to tell me her dad died.

Periodically I have these dreams where he comes in like nothing has happened and tries to pick up life where he left off and I’m all like, are you fucking kidding me? I let him go on for a while and eventually have to tell him he’s dead but before I can get his reaction I always wake up.

There’s a blog I read where a woman, who very much loved her husband, lost him recently to a terminal illness. I read her blog and sometimes feel bad that I don’t feel those emotions of a love that’s lost. We’re suppose to mourn those we lose, it’s like a law or something, but mostly what I feel is indifference. I can empathize with the feelings of being overwhelmed, feeling alone, etc., but I can’t really relate to the rest.

At one point I did love him but the last couple of years he was alive he made sure to destroy that love. And during those last couple of years I was already grieving the loss of my marriage so I guess I had some of the grief already behind me.

As far as the dreams… when someone takes their life it raises many questions that can never be answered, especially when you never saw it coming. I expected a lot of things from him but that wasn’t one of them so it leaves things open ended and I assume that’s why I have these dreams. But most days the questions don’t bother me and as time goes on just becomes more of a curiosity.

Hell I don’t even know what my point is here but I do know that grief has been replaced with just living, learning to depend on no one but myself, and giving my son and me the life we deserve.

Did I hear you say my time is up?  Don’t even think about billing me.

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Not Even a Real Post

April 16, 2009 at 3:08 pm (The Monkeys in My Head) (, , , , )

  1. I know I need to update… just been too damn tired.
  2. Deadliest Catch premier was this week, hell yeah!
  3. There was something else but now I have forgotten.  Back tomorrow with more nonsense.

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Exorcising Demons

March 25, 2009 at 9:07 pm (Electronics That Go Bump in the Night, Thought of the Day) (, , , , , )

It just occurred to me that it’s been 1-1/2 years ago today. It almost passed right by me today as I don’t think about it each month like I did the first year.  Let me mark the day with this little ditty.

It was the 25th day of September, that day I’ll always remember…
Mr. Fuckery was a trolling bone, wherever he is will never be home,
and when he died, I was relieved he left us alone.

Perhaps that sounds cruel, disrespectful, whatever. Guess you had to be there.

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It’s Busted

March 14, 2009 at 9:11 pm (Electronics That Go Bump in the Night, Sassy Saturday) (, , , , , , )

Did I recently get all cocky about how things broke but it could have been worse? Did I mock Murphy or something? It’s been one of those weeks. Here’s what broke:

  1. the gear in my garage door opener
  2. my router
  3. my tonsils
  4. and the mother fuckin’ alien ankle syndrome is back because I thought I would be smart ass and not wear the ankle wrap these past couple of days.

I woke up Tuesday morning and was running a fever of 102 so I called the doc. They could see me at 9:15 so as I was leaving and went to shut the garage door it stopped about 3/4 of the way down. After rescheduling the appointment and getting my neighbor over to get the door down it was determined the gear was worn out. In the past 10 years, one would think, they would have invented metal gears to prevent this sort of tragedy.  And what should be a $2 part is of course a $41 or $59 dollar kit, depending on if the kit is pre-assembled or not. That’s a rant saved for another day.

So I go to bed that night and we lose power. No internet + fever = quickly losing all will to live. I have tonsillitis and can barely swallow let alone talk but I will suffer through it if it means I can rest peacefully knowing the internet is only fingertips away. After spending some time on the phone with cable it is determined that my modem is fine, it’s my router. Cable guy instructs me to call NetGear so I do. NetGear informs me that my warranty has expired but I can buy an extended one or for a one-time fee I can speak to the level 2 (what the fuck is level 2 anyway?) technical department. I ask the NetGear smartypants lady how much for the one-time fee and she tells me $75. I know, don’t laugh, now we know why it’s called level 2. That’s how many levels down their going to stick it to you. 

Screw that! So I go rummaging around the Den of Doom and came out with another router. Keep in mind I’m very feverish so I’m not thinking too clearly and I’m trying to hook this baby up, there’s four ports and I am not that tech savvy. I assume the cat 5 cable goes into the first one but I dunnnnnooo so I call Linksys. That dude gives me the same story as NetGear, minus the level 2 business, and their one-time fee is $29.95. At this point I may or may not have had a bit of a breakdown cuz he decides to help a sista out.  Well we didn’t get it working so I hooked the cable modem up directly to the kids computer and I swear I am not pilfering my neighbors wifi for my laptop until I have time to revisit this issue in the next few days.

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Sassy Saturday

March 7, 2009 at 10:30 pm (Sassy Saturday) (, , , , , , , , , )

It’s Saturday night, booyahshaka!

This week has consisted of skillfully advancing my Guitar Hero career, mourning the imminent demise of my coffee pot, continued clearing of the Den of Doom, estimating the value of found doohickeys and thingamajigs, selling a Life’s Work on eBay, and eagerly awaiting the arrival of Grilling Season which officially kicks off tomorrow.

There were a couple of winters where I grilled year ’round but then I said fuck it. It’s just too much hassle, the light is on the opposite side of the deck from my grill and that meant using a battery powered lantern, it’s too damn cold here in the northern tundra and lastly, Official Grilling Season is fun to say and gives me something to look forward to.

Speaking of my Guitar Hero career, I wonder if they’ve come up with a piano version yet cuz if they have or do I would totally kick ass on that. It finally occurred to me this week that I should see if the Wii would run through my sound system so I could have my full on Midori rock-girl experience when I play. After my blonde moment had passed I remembered all I had to do was change the receiver to Video 2 and now arena, hall, live, or whatever mode I want it to sound like is just a button away. Oh yeah, sassy Poison Live! God I’m easily entertained.

Happy Official Grilling Season!

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Happy Single’s Awareness Day!

February 13, 2009 at 11:02 pm (Monkey Business) (, , , , , , )

Today Ms. Drill will sojourn to the northern tundra to visit Casa de Poison. We plan to suffer gluttony by eating big hunks of bloody red meat and getting our serious drink on while celebrating the day I came into this world. Hilarity will certainly ensue as we partake in the other Deadly Sins and when recovered, I will be back with tales of merriment, inebriation,  and most likely the burning and exorcising of demons.

Stay tuned.

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Here’s my counteroffer to your counteroffer — go fuck yourself

January 30, 2009 at 9:08 pm (Exorcising Demons, The Monkeys in My Head) (, , , , , , )

The monkeys are at it again. I’m having a very difficult time letting go of something that doesn’t even exist. Intellectually, I know what is in my best interests so this shouldn’t even be a consideration but I can’t help hard-racking this to death. And because I’m giving it so much consideration and really want to forget about it for at least seven or 45 minutes, I’m feeling a bit Butchie Yost and thinking, “I’m going to get high, I’m going to get fucking high.” But like Butchie, can’t seem to get the deed done as I fear hangovers in the worse possible way.

Why do we do this to ourselves? It isn’t even worth the time and energy I’ve spent on it.  I know what it is, it’s the shiny and sparkly that I’m missing and oh dear Lord little baby Jesus how will I cope? My mother, who can be pretty damn funny, told me I should just forget about dating and go to the adult store and stock up on supplies. Wiser words have never been spoken.

The other thing I can’t get past is I keep feeling like I must have done something wrong. It was my decision in the end, the only rational one to be made, but I still can’t help thinking that if I had done something differently there wouldn’t have been such a turn of events. That is just stupid, I never do anything wrong, I am a Goddess and I must always remember this.

While deep in the throws of composition I took time out to do some reading and here is a snippet of something I found interesting:

Compatibility is rarely a factor in attraction, because it doesn’t create that attractive spark. We are more likely to be attracted to mates who stimulate us because they are different, who open doorways into worlds that are new to us. Perfect compatibility is boring – it’s sitting on the sofa watching tv for the rest of our lives. Few of us are really looking for this kind of relationship.

The arena(s) in which we will do most of our soul growth is/are indicated in the natal astrological chart. A soulmate relationship generally begins with a feeling of fatednessand kinship, which signifies that there will be contact on a soul level. This does not necessarily mean that marriage and a lifetime of perfect harmony will follow, but rather than this relationship will provide lessons and growth experiences for you. It is not unusual for this kind of relationship to fall away once the lessons have been learned so that the individual can move on to the next level.

That all sounds good but what are the lessons here?

  1. Don’t be such a dumbass
  2. Take a vow of chastity and blog more as a distraction
  3. Find someone boring and be happy with them
  4. Paint your nails and call it a day
  5. I still have much more suffering to do

The suffering comes from something J. Drill once said back in 2003 when we were flying off on a whirl-wind adventure. Still worried about terrorists and flying in general, I said something about the plane going down and J. Drill said to me, “Won’t happen, you haven’t suffered enough yet.” Damn that woman and her psychic abilities!

So one beautiful fall morning I happened to spy, with my little eyes, what would become my PTSD for some time to come when I witnessed what the full range of plethora looks like close up. At this point, J. Drill said I had perhaps suffered enough and shouldn’t fly anytime soon (see, I’m not the only one who has to laugh in the face of tragedy!). I truly felt that this was the coup de grâce and things could only get better but no, hell no. Fate or whatever laughed at me and it roared its ugly head once again just a week later. Anyway, my point is, it’s not over till its over and until then we just have to stand it like a man and give some back.  And I propose that it might just be a splendid idea to stand it like a man and hit the range; give some back with some names on the targets.

On an up note, I got my hair done today and I must say it looks mighty fine and sassy. And I’m pretty sure it makes me look at least 2-3 months younger!

And the title, well that’s just in case I should get a call at some point seeking a counteroffer.

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