Shitler’s List

April 29, 2009 at 5:58 pm (Electronics That Go Bump in the Night) (, , , , , , )

Back to the land of the Internets. Turned out the underground cable that runs from the box to my house went bad. This is not good. I now have a temporary cable running across my back yard and have no clue when it will get buried as apparently this work is contracted out. I sure hope I’m home when they do this because you know they are going to jack up my lawn and sprinkler system, badly.

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Oink flu… I don’t trust Teh Man and what they are telling us, it’s probably far worse than being reported and we’re now at something like freak the hell out level 5. I’m thankful that Mr. Wonderful goes to a relatively small school but still, it could end up there and that scares the shit out of me.

Furthermore, are we all going to have to run around wearing those blue mask things? That’s so not my color and they don’t go with any of my outfits. Will I have to get new bags and shoes to match? Frankly keeping up with these ever changing reports is exhausting and that’s the last thing I need right now so I’m going to have to fire the media again. I need to conserve my energy for watching my lawn like a shithawk for those turf wreckers.

Perhaps I will employ my retired neighbor, he loves to watch for shit. He spends many days just staring at my lawn and wondering then asking when I’m going to thatch it… he’s becoming a real Shitler about it. (Yeah well that will happen when I have some time off with no rain. Stop staring at it or get your retired thatchin’ ass over here and handle it.)  Certainly when I give him the news of the pending upheaval and how he can have full supervisory privileges he will have a new sense of purpose and maybe get off my ass about the thatching.

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The Crab Boats… great season so far!

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Friday Edition of Dreams and Dead

April 24, 2009 at 9:32 pm (Exorcising Demons, Friday Soap Box) (, , , , , , , )

Death’s been on my mind a lot lately. The psychic Ms. Drill had a dream about an elaborate Saprano-like funeral and cuz we know how she is, when relaying the dream to me said, I wonder who’s going to die. A few days later I had a dream, yet again, that Mr. Fuckery was back from the dead and trying to tell me the mistakes I’ve made this past year and a half and what needed to change. The next day my sister called to tell me her dad died.

Periodically I have these dreams where he comes in like nothing has happened and tries to pick up life where he left off and I’m all like, are you fucking kidding me? I let him go on for a while and eventually have to tell him he’s dead but before I can get his reaction I always wake up.

There’s a blog I read where a woman, who very much loved her husband, lost him recently to a terminal illness. I read her blog and sometimes feel bad that I don’t feel those emotions of a love that’s lost. We’re suppose to mourn those we lose, it’s like a law or something, but mostly what I feel is indifference. I can empathize with the feelings of being overwhelmed, feeling alone, etc., but I can’t really relate to the rest.

At one point I did love him but the last couple of years he was alive he made sure to destroy that love. And during those last couple of years I was already grieving the loss of my marriage so I guess I had some of the grief already behind me.

As far as the dreams… when someone takes their life it raises many questions that can never be answered, especially when you never saw it coming. I expected a lot of things from him but that wasn’t one of them so it leaves things open ended and I assume that’s why I have these dreams. But most days the questions don’t bother me and as time goes on just becomes more of a curiosity.

Hell I don’t even know what my point is here but I do know that grief has been replaced with just living, learning to depend on no one but myself, and giving my son and me the life we deserve.

Did I hear you say my time is up?  Don’t even think about billing me.

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It’s Busted

March 14, 2009 at 9:11 pm (Electronics That Go Bump in the Night, Sassy Saturday) (, , , , , , )

Did I recently get all cocky about how things broke but it could have been worse? Did I mock Murphy or something? It’s been one of those weeks. Here’s what broke:

  1. the gear in my garage door opener
  2. my router
  3. my tonsils
  4. and the mother fuckin’ alien ankle syndrome is back because I thought I would be smart ass and not wear the ankle wrap these past couple of days.

I woke up Tuesday morning and was running a fever of 102 so I called the doc. They could see me at 9:15 so as I was leaving and went to shut the garage door it stopped about 3/4 of the way down. After rescheduling the appointment and getting my neighbor over to get the door down it was determined the gear was worn out. In the past 10 years, one would think, they would have invented metal gears to prevent this sort of tragedy.  And what should be a $2 part is of course a $41 or $59 dollar kit, depending on if the kit is pre-assembled or not. That’s a rant saved for another day.

So I go to bed that night and we lose power. No internet + fever = quickly losing all will to live. I have tonsillitis and can barely swallow let alone talk but I will suffer through it if it means I can rest peacefully knowing the internet is only fingertips away. After spending some time on the phone with cable it is determined that my modem is fine, it’s my router. Cable guy instructs me to call NetGear so I do. NetGear informs me that my warranty has expired but I can buy an extended one or for a one-time fee I can speak to the level 2 (what the fuck is level 2 anyway?) technical department. I ask the NetGear smartypants lady how much for the one-time fee and she tells me $75. I know, don’t laugh, now we know why it’s called level 2. That’s how many levels down their going to stick it to you. 

Screw that! So I go rummaging around the Den of Doom and came out with another router. Keep in mind I’m very feverish so I’m not thinking too clearly and I’m trying to hook this baby up, there’s four ports and I am not that tech savvy. I assume the cat 5 cable goes into the first one but I dunnnnnooo so I call Linksys. That dude gives me the same story as NetGear, minus the level 2 business, and their one-time fee is $29.95. At this point I may or may not have had a bit of a breakdown cuz he decides to help a sista out.  Well we didn’t get it working so I hooked the cable modem up directly to the kids computer and I swear I am not pilfering my neighbors wifi for my laptop until I have time to revisit this issue in the next few days.

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Word of the Day

February 3, 2009 at 10:58 am (Word of the Day) (, , , , )

Because I am intellectually barren at the moment I give you this.

Popinickels:

An innovative synonym for “disadvantages.”  Improve your chances for a potential job by using the word in an interview!  Impress your English Teacher!

Applicant: And how much paid vacation does your company offer?
Employer: We give 2 weeks paid.
Applicant: And what are the popinickels of this position?
Employer: Popinickels? Wtf? You’re hired!

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