Happy Friday

April 10, 2009 at 12:08 pm (Exorcising Demons) (, , , )

Been very very busy. Decided it was time to exorcise more demons and redo my suite so can I feel all zen like and oh my, it’s working. It’s amazing what some furniture, picture, and stuff arranging can do to ones outlook. The down side is, I don’t want to leave my nest but I must. Going to visit Ms. Drill and get our front porch on. She has the best front porch, it’s very southern like with just the right amount of privacy. We’ve laughed, we’ve cried, we’ve burnt shit… many fond memories had there with more to come. If anything should end up in flames I will post some pictures next week!

Y’all be good and have a happy Easter!

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More Friday Soapbox

April 3, 2009 at 6:58 pm (Friday Soap Box) (, , , , , )

Mr. Wonderful and I had to run an errand to pick up some essentials. We headed for the dreaded Walmartssssss, God I hate that store but you know, it’s in the hood. And while I’m on the subject… why do the elderlysss always call it Walmartssss? My mother does this and it drives me crazy, that and she calls herextra-strength” pills “Vicodent.”  MOM, for the love of pharmacist, KNOW YOUR DOSES… KNOW YOUR DOPE!

So we’re getting the essentials, Easter candy, furnace filters, shoe polish, you know the usuals and I head over to the area by checkout to pick up some bags of salt for the water softener. There’s this 30 something man standing/leaning on the salt bags and he’s texting or some shit.  I walk up and then start trying to heave these 40 pound bags of salt into my cart (Mr. Wonderful isn’t strong enough to handle the job yet). Man Ass didn’t even look up. Of course if he had then I guess that would have been an acknowledgment that my delicate little ass is struggling and maybe he should show some chivalry and help me out but no, he continued to play with his phone. If I was in his position I would have insisted on helping. I should have let one of the bags fall on his foot. Bastard. What is wrong with people?

Yeah, I got the bags in the cart with no problem really… I am woman hear me roar… whatever. I’m getting very use to having to lift and fix things that typically would be “mens’ work” but it would be nice, once in a while, if I just didn’t have to.

*****

Now to report on something good, I thought I would share an experience I had at pharmacy one day. I was standing in line to check out my 2 for 1 mineral powder deal, woot!, and there was this very clean cut, high school age, brother and sister trying to check out. Their purchase was 19 and some change but their debit card wasn’t going through. The brother says to the sister, “mom said she put money in the account yesterday.” He then tells the clerk sorry but they will have to come back. The next man in line said, “don’t worry about it kids, I got this.” They thanked him but said no they couldn’t accept his generosity. He insisted saying that he had plenty of money and he would really like to help them out and with that he handed the clerk a 20 dollar bill.

Now that was cool to witness.

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Friday Edition

April 3, 2009 at 2:59 pm (Friday Soap Box) (, , , , , )

So last night I decided to introduce Mr. Wonderful to the delights of Wendy’s. As with most kids, Mr. Wonderful been pretty well stuck on those damn Happy Meals and just recently decided to be a little adventurous and try Subway, to which he discovered suited his palette well. So last night I thought I would introduce him to the delights of Wendy’s. I hadn’t been there for a long time and was surprised to find that it was an additional $.40 for the damn cheese.  I suppose since it’s called a Single and not Cheeseburger I should have had a clue but I didn’t so ok, I dealt.

Where I live has three cities that are connected and I live in one of the burbs which is right on the edge of the main city. Usually I stay on my side of town which translates into not crossing the intersection into “the city.” Anyway, last night I decided that I would take us on a whirlwind adventure and cross that intersection so we could go to Wendy’s (there is a point here… I’m getting to it, honestly.) So I get the food, travel back to the burbs and come home to eat. As I’m sitting here eating I’m looking at the receipt because there was an issue with the frosties. I glance down and notice the tax is $.93 and I think, WTF, that seems high. Since I’m already pissed about the cheese and the frosty I get my calculator out and calculate what the tax rate is. Turns out the tax rate in the city is 9.25%. I happen to have a receipt in my car from KFC which is across the street, and in the burbs, so I calculate their tax and it is 7.25%.  Sure it’s only 2% but it’s the principal and I am so sick of getting taxed to death on everything. If I wasn’t so lazy I would calculate how much of our dollar we actually get to keep these days… I’m certain it’s maybe $.25… on a good day.

So that’s my rant for the day, I feel better now.

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It’s Busted

March 14, 2009 at 9:11 pm (Electronics That Go Bump in the Night, Sassy Saturday) (, , , , , , )

Did I recently get all cocky about how things broke but it could have been worse? Did I mock Murphy or something? It’s been one of those weeks. Here’s what broke:

  1. the gear in my garage door opener
  2. my router
  3. my tonsils
  4. and the mother fuckin’ alien ankle syndrome is back because I thought I would be smart ass and not wear the ankle wrap these past couple of days.

I woke up Tuesday morning and was running a fever of 102 so I called the doc. They could see me at 9:15 so as I was leaving and went to shut the garage door it stopped about 3/4 of the way down. After rescheduling the appointment and getting my neighbor over to get the door down it was determined the gear was worn out. In the past 10 years, one would think, they would have invented metal gears to prevent this sort of tragedy.  And what should be a $2 part is of course a $41 or $59 dollar kit, depending on if the kit is pre-assembled or not. That’s a rant saved for another day.

So I go to bed that night and we lose power. No internet + fever = quickly losing all will to live. I have tonsillitis and can barely swallow let alone talk but I will suffer through it if it means I can rest peacefully knowing the internet is only fingertips away. After spending some time on the phone with cable it is determined that my modem is fine, it’s my router. Cable guy instructs me to call NetGear so I do. NetGear informs me that my warranty has expired but I can buy an extended one or for a one-time fee I can speak to the level 2 (what the fuck is level 2 anyway?) technical department. I ask the NetGear smartypants lady how much for the one-time fee and she tells me $75. I know, don’t laugh, now we know why it’s called level 2. That’s how many levels down their going to stick it to you. 

Screw that! So I go rummaging around the Den of Doom and came out with another router. Keep in mind I’m very feverish so I’m not thinking too clearly and I’m trying to hook this baby up, there’s four ports and I am not that tech savvy. I assume the cat 5 cable goes into the first one but I dunnnnnooo so I call Linksys. That dude gives me the same story as NetGear, minus the level 2 business, and their one-time fee is $29.95. At this point I may or may not have had a bit of a breakdown cuz he decides to help a sista out.  Well we didn’t get it working so I hooked the cable modem up directly to the kids computer and I swear I am not pilfering my neighbors wifi for my laptop until I have time to revisit this issue in the next few days.

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Sassy Saturday

March 7, 2009 at 10:30 pm (Sassy Saturday) (, , , , , , , , , )

It’s Saturday night, booyahshaka!

This week has consisted of skillfully advancing my Guitar Hero career, mourning the imminent demise of my coffee pot, continued clearing of the Den of Doom, estimating the value of found doohickeys and thingamajigs, selling a Life’s Work on eBay, and eagerly awaiting the arrival of Grilling Season which officially kicks off tomorrow.

There were a couple of winters where I grilled year ’round but then I said fuck it. It’s just too much hassle, the light is on the opposite side of the deck from my grill and that meant using a battery powered lantern, it’s too damn cold here in the northern tundra and lastly, Official Grilling Season is fun to say and gives me something to look forward to.

Speaking of my Guitar Hero career, I wonder if they’ve come up with a piano version yet cuz if they have or do I would totally kick ass on that. It finally occurred to me this week that I should see if the Wii would run through my sound system so I could have my full on Midori rock-girl experience when I play. After my blonde moment had passed I remembered all I had to do was change the receiver to Video 2 and now arena, hall, live, or whatever mode I want it to sound like is just a button away. Oh yeah, sassy Poison Live! God I’m easily entertained.

Happy Official Grilling Season!

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The New Crack

February 28, 2009 at 4:03 pm (Monkey Business) (, , , )

At night I tend to have a bit of a sweet tooth and lately it’s only been satisfied by hitting up Fruit Roll-ups. Apparently I am an eight year old. It’s not my fault, honestly, it’s my mothers dealers. My supplier has this thing where if she finds you like something, then if one is good five is better, and you damn well better have your pantry empty because she’s going to fill it up with that shit.

She doesn’t buy them for me, they’re for my kid and though Mr. Wonderful likes them, I covet them. There’s something about them that soothes my savage soul and after a couple of them I might be able to stop my gluttonous ways before I hit the cookies or ice cream.

Should you concur with my thoughts on their yumminess, heed this warning:

Make sure to carefully remove all the plastic they are wrapped in in a well lit and probably well ventilated area.

If you don’t and find it’s a bit tougher than it should be you might want to make sure you removed all the plastic. Not that I would know anything about that.

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Friday Soap Box

February 27, 2009 at 5:47 pm (Friday Soap Box) (, , , , , )

I’m done with the media, I can’t take any more of their negativity. I wish it were true that one person can make a difference, I would be all over their asses and demand change in their reporting. Why oh why can’t they do their job in this era of Hope and Change and go find some HOPEFUL newsy things to report on? Has it occurred to any of the powers in charge that perhaps they are a big part of the problem with the depressing state of things? Granted we don’t want to be in the dark here but damn, people need to start hearing some good news for a change so we can maybe feel a little bit of hope.

So I’ve heard it reported around blogland that there is a shortage on ammo, damn me and my procrastination! Now that scares me. I’m certain that Mr. Hope and Change will do his best to make sure I don’t get any either. And then when the media finally decides to report on something positive like there’s still one person with food in their refrigerator, me,  I will have a limited number of rounds to take out the people trying to break into my house and steal my food.

Best blog tagline ever:

they took all my change I was gonna buy hope with, dammit.

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Life

February 24, 2009 at 4:52 pm (Uncategorized) (, , , )

Life has been an absolute bitch lately and it’s been making Poison cranky and an unproductive blogger. Even though I should have focused elsewhere today, I decided I really needed to take the time and finally start clearing out the Den of Doom, it’s been way beyond an acceptable time frame and weighs heavily on me.  I can’t believe how much shit I’ve already thrown out and even though this will be a longer process than I would like, at least it’s started and that feels pretty damn good.

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Happy Single’s Awareness Day!

February 13, 2009 at 11:02 pm (Monkey Business) (, , , , , , )

Today Ms. Drill will sojourn to the northern tundra to visit Casa de Poison. We plan to suffer gluttony by eating big hunks of bloody red meat and getting our serious drink on while celebrating the day I came into this world. Hilarity will certainly ensue as we partake in the other Deadly Sins and when recovered, I will be back with tales of merriment, inebriation,  and most likely the burning and exorcising of demons.

Stay tuned.

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The Man Found Me

February 4, 2009 at 5:12 pm (Monkey Business) (, , , )

I’m a bit creeped out. My last post was around 10:00 pm last night and according to my blog stats a certain company found me at 9:54 am.  I personally didn’t even mention this company, only pasted an article where their name was mentioned and provided a link. I did a quick Google search of my title, Corporate Whining, and came up #2. I feel so very special.

To borrow Ms. Drill’s soapbox again…

WTF? Do corporations actually have someone who sits in their cubicle all day and does nothing but Google to see where their name shows up? How do I get one of those jobs, I have great Google skills!

After 6 minutes and 36 seconds on my blog I hope they determined I am not a PR nightmare and will let it go at that. Or am I now on some watchdog list? That would so crack me up. Let’s see, she talks about: 

  • the voices/monkeys in her head
  • Stocking up on ammo
  • The Man
  • quotes Deadwood, John from Cincinnati, D Ali G
  • swears a lot
  • the aliens in her ankle
  • links to Dead Kitten Mittens (for the homeless!)

Obviously this woman is nutty as a fruitcake, a clear and present danger.

I am curious to know if any fellow bloggers have encountered this phenomena? Should I be cautious, should I mention their name more, should I be very prepared if I hear a knock at my front door, should I add them to my “fuck you…insert company name here” letter writing campaign?

Blogging is so much fun!

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