We’re in the eye of a shiticane here Julian

October 29, 2010 at 8:28 am (Friday Soap Box, Oh Hell No) (, , , , , , )

The past few days we were experiencing a shitsunami. Pulling into my subdivision I noticed my friend’s house had some shingles blown up but not off. Started looking around and noticed other houses had loose shingles and then got to my house and noticed a section about 3′ x 2′ missing shingles. Fuck.

This house is 12 years old so this is a single layer roof and I have no idea what to do. I don’t think it will be worth an insurance claim because of the deductible so I guess I’m going to have to see if I have some extra shingles in the shed and climb my ass up on the roof and fix it. Ha! I’m pretty handy with duct tape, gorilla glue, and rubber bands but if memory serves me right this job will call for nails and a hammer.  Is there anything else you have to use? The layer of whatever it is that covers the wood is still there so that’s good. So if you happen to be in the neighborhood and see a chick on a roof it might make for a good YouTube video cuz this shit is going to be ridiculous.

In other busted shit news I’m trying to ascertain what’s going on with my furnace. I’m leaning towards needing a new thermostat and hopefully I can find the same model so I can plug it into the existing mount. It will suddenly drop temperature in here and then when I go and restart the pilot then it will start working again only to eventually wig out. I woke up this morning and it was 68° and so I did the restart thing and set the thermostat to 73° (higher than I usually set it) and now it seems to be working fine again.

Just talked to my repair guy and he concurs, it’s probably my thermostat. If plugging the new one into the mount doesn’t work he said he will come over and replace the mount. I’m feeling kinda smartypants having diagnosed this all by my girl self!

Being a homeowner is a pain in the ass. It would be nice if life would throw me a bone and let things break when I actually have a man here to fix them.

Today’s agenda is Target, PetsMart, Home Depot, tonight pumpkin carving, Saturday hair day for Mr. Wonderful and my mom, Sunday trick-or-treating. I can hardly contain my excitement.

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What a Week

October 28, 2010 at 4:57 pm (The Monkeys in My Head)

Guess it’s long overdue that I dust this off and get back to business.  In a previous post I was certain that 2010 was going to kick some ass but then it appeared to be kicking mine.

A week ago I was reminded that the year wasn’t over and that 2010 may turn out to be unbelievable yet. More on that in a minute.

First order of business, congrats to Mr. and Mrs. J. Drill! Yes, my best friends got married last week and I couldn’t be happier for them!

Second order:  Thank God, my stepbrother’s war tour is over and he’s on his way home to his bride.

Now on to 2010, there’s been a turn of events for The Sailor and I.

We’ve known and loved one another since I was 18. Nothing ever changed the way we felt about the other, for me he was always the one and likewise for him. The reasons why we have alway been on and off throughout the years is really irrelevant now, matters that are finally behind us.

Now that circumstances have changed, The Sailor and I are going to try this again. There are no obstacles in our way this time, no reasons why we can’t finally make this work. Without me having a clue, the steps he’s taken this past year to ensure our future blows my mind and makes me realize just how much he adores and loves me, and me him.

Perhaps this may sound odd, though I know some will get it, but he talks to me, I mean really talks to me. He’s encourages my creativity, he gets me and my strange sense of humor, he adores me just the way I am and doesn’t want to change anything about me, would rather be in my company than not no matter what we are doing.  And he’s a man, a real man who does manly things and he can fix anything.  

Yes, I’m gushing a bit but damn it, I’ve earned it. I had a husband who put me through hell and my life has been a struggle to get through each day, especially this past year.  I feel some hope at last.

It is finally time to be who I was always meant to be.

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Poof into the night

July 2, 2010 at 3:34 pm (Uncategorized) (, , , , )

So my buddy is gone, no sign of him or his new blog. Frankly, I’m a bit worried, I even left a comment on his FB but still no response to me or anyone.  If the new blog was still there I would just assume it meant he is MIA on an assignment again.

So Mr. Talker, if you read this please leave a comment, shoot me an email, something to let me know you’re okay. Total silence is beginning to freak me out.

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Sassy Ms. B.

April 27, 2010 at 10:42 am (Family Foolery, robot blogging)

I was gently reminded the other day that I haven’t blogged since January, oops. No excuses really other than not feeling the funny much these days.

And though I’m not feeling it I should feel ashamed when an 86 year old woman who had many small strokes last week and barely knew who she or anyone else was was still able to crack JDrill and I up. We were talking about her very hot neurologist and she said in a very weak voice, “yeah, well if I felt a little better I’d get a rise out of him.”

God love ya B! Here’s to you and getting well soon!

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2010 is going to kick some ass, hopefully in a good way

January 8, 2010 at 11:26 pm (Dot's Pantry Tricks) (, , )

Today it occurred to me that no matter how much life can suck, it’s all still good as long as you can dance. I proclaim 2010 to be the year of dance! I often ask myself, “why so sad, girl?” a statement/question that cracks me up a little and in turn makes me feel like busting a move. That my dear friends makes for a good time on an otherwise dreary day.

Remember when I talked about the endless supply of Fruit Roll Ups? Grandma caught wind that Mr. Wonderful likes gummy bears so now he’s the proud owner of a six pound bag of Brach’s Gummies. Today she informed me she will be picking up more, it is clear she is stocking my pantry so we’re ready for the next Great Depression. She also picked up a ginormous box of Goldfish but I need to have her get some pretzels, they go better with the gummies.

Guess that’s all I got. I’m bored and dreaming of far-a-way places…

Now off with your bad self and go dance a little.

Feels good, doesn’t it?

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Todays search term that will land you here <—- “the poison in a dog’s butt”

December 23, 2009 at 2:15 pm (Mad Cow List, Monkey Business, The Monkeys in My Head, true story) (, , , , , )

Speaking of asses… I have no time to read blogs let alone blog myself but since I did managed to squeeze Christmas out of my ass afterall then I guess I can squeeze a blog post out of there as well. Merry Christmas!

Sitting here enjoying a nice fresh cup of coffee before I get back on my go-go and start cleaning before the festivities begin tomorrow. All shopping is done, there’s a bit of food and liquor in the house, and though I have a sinus infection all seems pretty good right now. Weather wise, wow… ice storm this afternoon and tonight but the roads are supposed to be okay by tomorrow afternoon. At least they better be… not sure which would upset Mr. Wonderful more, Santa not showing up or JDrill and her entourage.

Here’s a little story for ya. Back in 1978, my roommate (not JDrill, she has sense) and I decided to move to California. We had mentioned it a couple of times but it never was a serious discussion until we were doing acid one night. I believe it was in the fall, all I remember is it was raining, lots of rain and I’m not sure how it all came about… I was stoned afterall… but we just said to each other, “fuck it, let’s do this.”

We packed up her Ford Pinto with whatever seemed necessary at the time, you know, some clothes, makeup, can goods but no can opener, our two cats and four kittens, oh and some booze.  We went to our places of employment and left notes and then hit the road.  About 2 hours into the drive we went around a curve that had a warning sign but ended up in a ditch anyway. As we sat there a trucker came by but didn’t stop and a little bit later we saw the lights flashing on an upcoming squad car. Now don’t forget, we are stoned, on acid for Christ’s sakes. The Officer said he would call a tow truck but we told him we didn’t have much cash on us so he said, “ok let’s see if we can push you out.” My friend get’s back in the car and the cop and I are behind it pushing and as she hits the gas mud flies out from behind the tire covering the cop. Ooops. We did get the car out and amazingly he was cool about it so we were off on our tripping merry way but only for a couple of miles when we see lights flashing behind us. She pulls over and the same cop asks for our ID, goes back to his squad and after a few minutes comes back and tells us we are free to go and to be safe. We assumed at that point he started thinking that maybe we were runaways and should probably check it out.

We continued on our journey until we started getting tired/the acid was wearing off and at that point we were in Des Moines, Iowa, so we got a hotel room and slept a bit. When we awoke our craziness started sinking in and we decided we had better give our parents a call to let them know that we were okay. Having had frantic calls that morning from our employers they were obviously very concerned but we assured them that we decided our plan wasn’t a good one and were driving back home that day.

So kids, there’s today’s lesson…. if you’re fucked up and think it’s a great plan, it’s NOT. And that’s my Extreme Stupidity story of the day.

I hear ice pellets on the skylight. Have a very Merry Christmas!

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I am not ready for this.

December 8, 2009 at 4:28 pm (Oh Hell No) (, , , , )

My local forecast: 9-14 inches of snow by tomorrow, then 40+ mph winds. Good times. If you don’t hear from me tomorrow afternoon send for help, it means I’m buried alive in a snow drift with a running snow blower threatening to eat me.

UPDATE: Round 1 of snow blowing completed last night at 10:00 pm… at that point we had 5.5″ of snow. Haven’t heard how much we currently have but I’m estimating 8″ with a couple more inches expected. Need to get outside for round 2 before the winds hit later this morning… now they are saying 50+ mph. Time to hunker down.

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Oh Hell1No1

November 21, 2009 at 11:40 am (Oh Hell No) ()

Mr. Wonderful is asleep on the couch running a 101.4 temp, to early in the day for that kind of temp. Waiting on a call back from the Doctor’s office. He’s had the seasonal flu shot and his symptoms are flu like. Shit. No colds ever take him down so it’s not looking good.

Update: Dr. wanted to see him so I took him in and the Dr. said it looks like it is H1N1. He also did a chest x-ray and said his chest already looks questionable so he put him on antibiotics and Tamiflu. Damn, glad I didn’t take a wait and see approach, he only started coughing yesterday. My chest is feeling just a bit raspy so after much insistence on my part he put me on Tamiflu too. You would think that would have been a no brainer, who the hell is going to take care of us if I get sick.

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When life is tricky and I don’t mean a tricky dick, though one would be nice.

November 18, 2009 at 5:24 pm (Could I Be Any More Boring?, Monkey Business, The Monkeys in My Head) (, , , , , , )

Last night I had a dream that just would not end. I’d wake up and go back to sleep and the damn thing would just keep going. It was about the love of my life but in present day. What do these type of dreams mean?

Last year I got in touch with him because when we split I promised him I would always stay in touch so give or take 20 years I felt it was important to keep my word. As fate would have it, we were both single and after a couple of months of phone calls that would last for hours at a time he flew from Florida to see me. It was great to see him but the end result was we both realized that our lives are very different and it just isn’t meant to be. Well that and the tribble but that’s a tale for another post.

So back to the dream. I think it means the next great thing is on the horizon. That’s my theory and I’m stickin’ to it. 2009 was suppose to be a great year for me but the clock is ticking and I’m not sure there is a grace period on this. The year is almost over and damn it… something good NEEDS to happen soon.

JDrill told me the other night she ought to introduce me to this guy she knows that’s a millionaire. Now most women’s response would be, Oh Hell Yeah! My response, “fuck, he lives 180 miles away and that sounds like too much trouble.” What kind of cuckoo brain says shit like that? No wonder I’m still single, I should just carry a cactus in my purse. Bonus points if you know the movie.

For a while now I’ve been trying to find something to blog about but seriously, there’s been nothing but dead air or chatter going on in my head. Tuesdays was the day I could usually pull out at least a sentence or two but now I have this new co-worker who brings nothing to work to occupy her time other than her voice so it’s constant chatter about nothing. She’s really nice enough but fuck, Tuesdays was my day to relax.

And now for a bit of corporate whining. I don’t know how I am going to make it to Christmas this year. The we are going to have such a happy Christmas ads have already started and I’m sure I’m not the only one who wants to throw something at the tv each time I see one. We have “reality” (ha) tv, can’t we have some reality commercials? I really want someone to step up to the plate and say they know this Christmas is going to suck and give us some solution as to how we’re going to pull this one out of our ass.

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I want, I want.

October 30, 2009 at 1:05 pm (Electronics That Go Bump in the Night) (, , , , , )

I covet a Kindle. Yes, I NEED one of those. Now that I have upped my blog traffic I wonder if Amazon will give me one if I promise to do a review? I need some joy in my life, come on Amazon… make the widow Poison’s day.

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